Hello (again) blogspot!

Yeah. Multiply failed me.

After so many attempts of uploading photos and posts.

I gave up. And return to ol friend, Mr Blog.

Need a space to express and journal my experience as a bonda.


It has been truly wonderful, Alhamdulillah.

Will update more later.

Got to get ready for Kak Ina's housewarming invite.

See ya!

My mom's pesanan

In the busy-ness of life, the constant conversations i've been having with my mom are "Mak, pergi dulu", "Mak, Salam", and some bickerings of EARLY morning.

So this entry is worth the keying in to remind me of the REAL conversation i had.

We were sitting at the dinner table early in the morning. I was preparing Faj's wedding card overnight, and my mom sat, watching me and my sleepy self. She talked about buying houses.

"Kalau beli rumah, jangan beli yang mahal-mahal. Jangan jadi hamba rumah. Mak beli rumah ni, mak save betul-betul sampai dah habis bayar. Senang hati tak ada hutang. Tak payah beli rumah besar. Kecik-kecik jer. Senang nak kemas. Duit lebih, save. Go travel. Look at Cik Mi, Cik Yah. Kak Mamas too. They travel. They see the world. Their perspectives are fresh. Their mind are open. Kat dunia ni kita sekejap jer. Kalau nak hias rumah cantik-cantik buat apa? You cant bring it anywhere"

and i nodded.

That's our version of EFFECTIVE communication after a looooooooong time.

*sob*

The travelers vein runs in the family.

Home... is a state of mind after all.

Home... is where the Birds are going too...

Home... is where our father Adam left years and years ago.

humaira

My Pinky Feet

It has been a long time.

What have i been up to?

Plenty.

1. Tripod Camp 2007
2. Taiwan
3. Pangkor Island
4. Marriage and Partners
5. Our fight about a paper
6. How Princess Diana talks to me?
7. The Last Fire Work
8. The date with Yong

I'll begin from the last.

Ang Seng Yong's going off to Taiwan for a year. South Taiwan to be exact (Tainan, Nan means south --> i'm learning Mandarin, whee!!!) for a post in the army. So we met in a pub at the Esplanade.

Its kinda typical of Yong to introduce me to these places. We went to the Balcony beside Heeren for supper before. And he's already planning to bring me to another 'classy' pub, just to show me around (ceett! as if i'm a tourist). In a way i am. And i thank him for this opportunity. We talked about relationships, differences in culture, possible future inter-religious programmes in the nation in a so-called different environment.

Hey, i'm not planning to bring him to mosques in the name of 'cultural exchange', as he PRO-ACTIVELY has been doing so himself. Yong is a member of Young Sikh Association, and currently been active in Taoist Association. He has been involved in a number of inter-racial talks and a member of inter-religious circle (IRC). Consequently, mosque visiting is part of the job.

"Hey Yong! What drink do you recommend me?"
"You drink Orange juice lar"
"What are YOU drinking?"
"Red wine"
"hmmm... lemme try champaign"
"You crazy girl! You cant drink that lar! You're a Muslim!"

I smiled.

Yong is doing his bit of 'da'wah' to me.

"Joking lar! I'll try this chocolate thingy"
"Good choice!"
"Hey! They have root beer here!"

Lulu, a staff from the Taoist Association was there, accompanying Yong while waiting for me. She said

"But Root Beer got beer what? cannot right?"

Yong
"Silly girl! No alcohol lar!!"

Another point for Yong. He knows quite well about the jurispudence. I smiled again and nodded my head to affirm him.

We moved on talking about personal life and relationship issues, with a dash of religious perspectives in it. As Lulu is not so eloquent in English (Lulu's a Malaysian, studied in Taiwan, marrying a Hong Konger), Yong had to be the translator. A SULKING translator. We had fun!

To Yong, all the best in your posting! May you find beautiful South Taiwanese girl and bring her home. Or, May you find peace in whatever decision you choose (ahakz). And CUT DOWN ON THOSE STICKS!!

Till we meet again in the New Year Celebration.

Friendship built during Singapore-Malaysia Youth Camp 2005 (10th Contingent)

"And among His Signs is the creation of the heavens and the earth, and the difference of your language and colours. Verily, in that are indeed signs for men of sound knowledge" - Rum, 22

Feel Pain to Know Pain

...And beneath the sky's oppressive dome
Wounds scar you, you draw nearer to your home;
Don't flinch from pain or search here for its cure.
Uncauterized your wounds must bleed; endure!

~Farid-Ud Din Attar
The Conference of the Birds

As i was taught suffering is blessing,
realistically, it was too hard believing
As i feel the pain, and see the wound,
i realise how much i've been through.
It's a trophy for all the strife
to remind me how i survived.

A trophy not for triumph per se
but a lesson that must be relayed
After the pain, so where's the blessing?
Is it just the discovery of my wound and crying?
Retribution? Revenge?Forgiveness?
Its enough to reflect that Allah remembers
Recall His love note for all of us
in verse two-eight-six of the female ox
He promises us, a balanced strengths and tests
to Him, are we to doubt and detest ?

What we learn is the colours
of pain, which differs
not only black, not only white
as a coin, that has two sides
Despite the form, we need to brave
the value pain brings for us as slaves
the pain of Joseph, Jonah and the rest
are too huge to compare to us brats

Allah... guide me well in my journey of pain and suffering.
Guide me well in my LACK of pain and suffering...
as tests are more rigourous
in those forms that are less obvious

Allah.. please help.

~ humaira
Pale Reflection of Pain
12th June 2007

A Reflection A Day... Makes a Hamba Awake

A bird asks how long the journey is, and the hoopoe describes the seven valleys of the Way

Another bird said:'Hoopoe, you can find
the way from here, but we are almost blind -
the path seems full of terrors and despair.
Dear Hoopoe, how much further till we're there?'

'Before we reach our goal,' the hoopoe said,
'The journey's seven valleys lie ahead;
How far this is the world has never learned.
for no one who has gone there has returned -
Impatient bird, who would retrace this trail?

There is no messenger to tell the tale,
And they are lost to our concerns below -
How can men tell you what they do not know?

The first stage is the Valley of the Quest;
Then Love's wide valley is our second test;
the third is Insight into Mystery,
the fourth Detachment and Serenity -
the fifth is Unity; the sixth is Awe,
A deep Bewilderment unknown before,
the seventh Poverty and Nothingness -
and there you are suspended, motionless,
till you are drawn - the impulse is not yours -
a drop absorbed in seas that have no shores.

~ The Conference of the Birds,
Farid Ud Din Attar

I have yet to read further
the detailed explanation of hoopoe the traveller.
Come explore these places with me,
and together discover the wisdom of these valleys.

He is a sea; He asks of you one drop

Shah Mahmoud, full of sorrow, went one night
To one who keeps the baths' huge fires alight;
The man made room among the ash and the grime
(Feeding the furnace-mouth from time to time),
Then brought the king some stale, unwholesome bread.
"When he knows who i am," Shah Mahmoud said,
"He'll beg to be allowed to keep his head!"

When, finally, the king prepared to go,
The poor man said: "i havent much to show-
You've seen my home and food (i brought the best;
You were rather unexpected guest);
But if in future you feel sorrow's pain
I hope you'll come and be my guest again.

If you weren't king you could be happy, sire;
I'm happy shovelling wood on this great fire -
So i'm not less than you or more, you see...
I'm nothing next to you, your majesty."

The king was so impressed that he returned,
And seven times saw how that furnace burned -
at last he said: "Stop stoking this great fire
And ask from me whatever you require"

"I am a beggar, lord," the man replied;
"And with a king all needs are satisfied"

Shah Mahmoud said: "Speak up, ask anything -
You can forget the furnace and be king!"

He said: "My hope is this, now and then
My king will visit me in this dark den -
The dust he treads on is a crown to me;
His presence here will be my monarchy.
Yours is the kingdom and the hand that gives,
but that's not how a bath attendant lives.
Better to sit with you in this foul place
Than reign in state and never see your face.
This spot has brought me luck, and i'd be wrong
To leave the furnace-mouth where i belong -
Besides, it's here i made friends with my king,
I wouldn't give this up for anything -
When you are here the bath-house shines anew;
What more could i desire from you than you?
May my perverse heart die if it should crave
Another fate than to remain your slave!
What's sovereignty to me? All i request
Is that from time to time you'll be my guest."

The bath attendant's love should teach you yours;
Learn from him all the loving heart endures -
And if this love has stirred in you, then cling
With passion to the garments of your king;
He too is moved; hold fast and do not stop -
He is a sea; He asks of you one drop

~ Farid Ud-Din Attar, Conference of the Birds

Nothing is nothing

At the beginning of the centuries God used the mountains as nails to fix the Earth; and washed Earth's face with the water of Ocean. Then he placed Earth on the back of a bull, the bull on a fish, and the fish on the air. But on what rested the air? On nothing. But nothing is nothing. And seeing that His Essence alone exists it is certain there is nothing but Him. His throne is on the waters and the world is in the air. But leave the waters and the air, for all is God: the throne and the world are only a talisman. God is all, and things have only nominal value; the world is visible and the world invisible are only Himself.

But you must know God by Himself and not by you; it is He who opens the way that leads to Him, not human wisdom. The knowledge of Him is not at the door of rhetoricians. Knowledge and ignorance are here the same, for they cannot explain nor can they describe. The opinions of men on this arise only in their imagination; and it is absurd to try to deduce anything from what they say; whether ill or well, they have said it from themselves. God is above knowledge and beyond evidence, and nothing can give an idea of his Holy Majesty.

Consider those who have entered in the way of the Spirit. Look what has happened to Adam; see how many years he spent in mourning. Contemplate the deluge of Noah and all that patriach suffered at the hands of the wicked. Consider Abraham, who was full of love for God: he suffered tortures and was thrown into the fire. See the unfortunate Ishmael offered up in the way of divine love. Turn towards Jacob who became blind from weeping for his son. Look at Joseph, admirable in his power as in his slavery, in the pit and in prison. Remember the unhappy Job stretched on the earth a prey to worms and wolved. Think of Jonah who, having strayed from the Way, went from the moon to the belly of the fish. Follow Moses from his birth: a box served him for a cradle, and Pharaoh exalted him. Think of David, who made himself a breast-plate and whose sighs melted the iron like wax. Look at Solomon whose empire was mastered by the Jinn. Remember Zacharias, so ardent with the love of God that he kept silent when they killed him; and John the Baptist, despised before the people, whose head was put on a platter. Stand in wonder at Christ at the foot of the cross, when he saved himself from the hands of the Jews. And finally, ponder over all that the Chirf of the Prophets suffered from the insults and injuries of the wicked.

My friends! We are neighbours of one another: i wish to repeat my discourse to you day and night, so that you should not cease for a moment to long to set out in quest of Truth

~ Farid - ud - Din Attar ~
Conference of the Bird

~Conference of the Bird~