Moi pic

Sending Our Postcard

No more school bus! Yay!!

Stuck in Jam face

Jammed

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hehe!! For fun and laughter...

Q: "How many Social Workers does it take to change a light bulb?"

None. Social workers never change anything.
None. They empower it to change itself!
None. The lightbulb is not burnt out, it's just differently lit.
None. They set up a team to write a paper on coping with darkness.
Two. One to change the bulb and another to put your kids into care.
Five. One to screw it in, three to form the support group, and one to help with placement.

Haha! Evil people who created this. Come to think of it.. kinda true. Social Workers do not change people. Change can only be done by individuals. We empower them to change (hehe!!). We look at things from the strength perspective. We also advocate coping and adjustment to changes. We care about people... and we like to support our peers. How bout that?

Humaira... a social worker, and proud of it!

This is it ladies n gentlemen... In a few hours time, this little humaira will embark on a test. A test that will determine her lady-hood. A test, that she's been waiting for.. BAGPACKING!!! WoooHooOooOooOOo!!!!

Yeah man!! Rite after Asr, Jieja n moi will RUN out of Singapore via the causeway, go to Larkin, and beg from any counter for tickets to KL on the eve of a holiday. When we reach KL (or IF we reach), we'll beg for a budget hotel after our online booking has been rejected in the last minute. After that, we shall start planning for our itenary for the whole 4 days in the not-so-familiar land. We shall create... our own... Amazing Race!!! With debit cards allowed to be used, of course.

Panic? Excited? Anxious? U name it! Whatever emotions i'm feeling... I CANT WAIT TO GET OUT OF HERE!!

humaira.... the traveller

::in YLS mode::

Had a meeting @ YM just now. Got to meet some new faces lar.. and an old one too.. heh... I always wonder how Kak Zahara gets her enthusiasm. Its like a bright torchlight with never ending battery seh!! Luv her optimism too.. and most of all, LUV her generosity! =D (we get $$$$ and LOTS of suggestions)

Its in meetings like this that make me feel appreciated doing the things that i've been doing. Bukannya harapkan pujian semata2... but, it helps boost both my ego n drive for activism. InsyaAllah... ini hanya sedikit kemanisan yang Allah berikan kita rasa. Tapi, ini bukanlah matlamat/niat sebenar sesuatu amalan. Sekadar bonus....

Actually, feeling appreciated is not the primary factor i feel elated at the moment. Its the feeling that i am heard. I feel acknowledged. I feel that my worries and concerns for the community is being considered and taken note of. I feel important. And i believe, my comrades feel the same way too.

Just compare ourselves to our neighbours! A Malaysian counterpart informed us that their meeting with A minister is a LUXURY. Its one in a LIFETIME experience. A situation SOOO different from our small little island! Here, even the skaters @ Orchard pon dah bebual kopi ngan Dr Maliki. I believe, the tertiary student leaders especially, have met Prof Yaacob COUNTLESS of times. Aren't we all lucky? (Alhamdulillah)

I consider myself EXTRA lucky for being surrounded by WONDERFUL ensemble of comittee members. Each with different expertise, each with varied perspectives. I have been learning a lot about organisational work and strategising. If any of you guys reading this, my heartfelt thanks to all, each and everyone of you. Lets grow together, develop together. Remind me of my weakness, stroke me for my strength.

Together, to develop the best in youth.... for Allah

humaira.... blessed

Your Brain is 66.67% Female, 33.33% Male

Your brain leans female You think with your heart, not your head Sweet and considerate, you are a giver But you're tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you!

What Gender Is Your Brain?

My Gawwwwddd!!! Malas nyer nak buat keje!!!! Liat benar nak start enjin!

Monday... Casework Day. The day i'm supposed to clear all my yellow files (i color coded my profiles; Yellow folder for Casework, Blue for RAP, Orange for Volunteer matters and Green for bende2 opis) The more yellow files, the more pple waiting to get money... the more temptation for me to delay application. Muahahahahahaha!! *Evil Social Worker*
U think wat? Get money that easy ar??? Must haf that bill lar, this bill lar... Blearrgghh!!!!

The yellow folders remain 3cm tall, resting well on my in-tray.

Aku tengok dia, dia tengok aku.
Aku jeling, dia memanggil.
Uwaaaa~~~!!!
Jangan tengok aku!!



Humaira... World Record holder for the highest and heaviest in-tray.

Tired n sleepy....

Came back from office at 11pm yesterday. Spent the night baking brownies and chocolate cakes for the kids n volunteers this Friday. TIRED!!!!

Been spending time with my dearest volunteers. They executed their first project yesterday, and i feel like a proud parent, launching my young ones to adulthood *AwwwwWwWWWww* Am glad they had fun playing with the younger kids.

Gosh! I cant continue. So sleepy.

Humaira.... smell chocolatey

Congratulations! You are Susan Mayer, the divorcee
and single mom who will go to extraordinary
lengths for love.

Which Desperate Housewife are you?
brought to you by

Seharum bunga yang menggoda
Sekadar dipandang usah dipuja
Kau pasti tak percaya kasihku bukan
untukmu sayang

Tiadaku sangka kau sungguh kejam
Kau rampas segalanya yang kau dendam
Namun takkan bahagia
Kehidupanmu
Bila bunyi bersatu
Kau milikku....

Pulangkan cinta hatiku
Oh hentikanlah menghantuiku
Pulangkan Oh pulangkanlah padaku
Ku pulangkan resah hidupmu

Yang dikau musnah tanpa relaku
Bebaskanlah maafkan daku oh kasih

Tiada kemaafan disini
Kau ragut Degupan hatiku ini
Akan ku jejakimu kemana jua
Hingga akhir masa sayang

Pulangkan cinta hatiku
Oh hentikanlah menghantuiku
Pulangkan Oh pulangkanlah padaku

Ku pulangkan resah hidupmu
Yang dikau musnah tanpa relaku
Bebaskanlah maafkan daku oh kasih

Tiada kemaafan disini
Kau ragut degupan hatiku ini
Akan ku jejakimu kemana jua
Hingga akhir masa
Sayang............................................

Jiwang? kindof.

No one else in the office, except Kak Noraini, Kama and yours truly. Feeling kinda spooked. But.. trying to occupy myself.

Since there left the 3 of us laydees, we blasted our music sooo loud! woohooo... watched Misha Omar's infamous horsey performance on the net with kak Noraini. I'm smitten by the lyrics Pulangkan. I realised the truth in the song. You see... i'm very skeptical towards malay songs. I always tot that they're full of khayalan and too idealistic. However, after reading a chapter in my Abnormal Psychology book, and after experiencing the hurt, i sense the truth in the song. Pulangkan... I wish i can write a song about pulangkan my esteem that u took away, pulangkan the trust that i've given and pulangkan my heart... so i can move on. I wish. Just wishes. Waiting for people to return those things to me takes time. I better get those myself. Save all the hastle and more heartaches. So Misha gerl, stop singing and crying pulangkan! Go get watever u want yourself! U're empowered!

Humaira.... Getting back esteem and... her SELF.

I would like to dedicate my appreciation to the person(s) who created blog. Thank you so much!!
Ever since when i was young, i've always enjoy reading other people's diary.... (that sounds juvenile).... i mean.. legally. Diaries like Anne Frank, Bridget Jones, and many others. My favourite has to be Anne Frank (becoz hers is real). Her thoughts, and accounts of her experience never fail to haunt me. There i was, a 13-year-old girl, reading the diary of another 13-year-old, who experience life that this 13-year-old has never imagine.. let alone experience. I can feel her frustration, her appreciation for the small things that make her happy, her challenges and her first love....

Her diary inspired me to start one. But, my diary was personal to mine, becoz that's wat a diary is for, rite? But i want mine to be like Anne's. I wanna share my reflections with people. I couldnt possibly shove my diary book to my friends and force them to read. That's embarrassing! Thus, I wonder if my thoughts and experience can ever be read by other people... i wanna share my journey with others. I believe that, every human beings have interesting stories to tell. Every life is unique, and its worth to tell the world.

I'm glad i haf a blog. To tell the world MY story....

My dear, this is my story. I didn't choose you to be the antagonist..

My dear, let me grief, let me heal, let me be strong, let me regain what i've lost, let me get back what i'd given you.

My dear, please dun make this any harder.

Humaira... taken aback

To heal... one must be hurt first...

Will reflect on this later.

Humaira... one fine BUSY Saturday

Had a girls' nite out with you-know-who :) just now. Watched Hotel Rwanda.

I'm very disturbed. I just realised that i'm living in the world that's so selfish. I couldnt believe my eyes and ears when i watch that movie. People in Rwanda were screaming for help. Intervention! Intervention! But no help came. Why? Its just Rwanda..... and as quoted by the UN general from the movie, "You guys are not even niggers!"

Lets give those UN, US and the 'Superpower' nations some benefit of the doubts.. perhaps in 1994, the world citizen was just tired of another genocide. Maybe they were pre-occupied with other things like... (i dunno, i was just 12 then!)Perhaps they question the exaggeration that the media may showcase... Like the reporter from the movie said: "You think the world will help when they saw the massacre on tv? They'll just say "What a pity" and continue their dinner" How true.

I just wrote about how much help we can give to other community in my earlier entry. I stand firm on that. Its only too much we can offer. However, help MUST come. It shows that we're feeling the pain and suffering that the locals are facing- empathising. But still, there's a limit to what we can do.

Its late. And i'm very disturbed. Why?
1) 1 million people died in the period of 100 days in 1994.. and the world ignored it
2) Someone has a new shirt (from who???) urgh!

Humaira... disturbed

psst: When i walk backwards, it feels like i'm helping everyone else move forward faster

In the midst of werking hour... but i need to write something.

Yesterday i heard the news about FMSA brothers n sisters going to Aceh for a weekend visit to do some basic assessment. I know for a fact that they're planning a long-term intervention for the children in the affected area. Initially... i wanted to go. But....

I've been receiving calls from members of the public (Malays, and Muslims i assume) about teenagers who're pregnant out of wedlock. That surprised me. I can safely say that i've been talking to distraught parents and teenagers themselves about that matter for at least once a day! That's a lot!!!!!! Those calls are not inclusive of those received by my colleagues and those referred by ROMM. What's the world becoming into??????

Putting two and two together, i realised that, there's still a lot of work NEED to be done here, locally. If we observe and listen to the experiences by those who've been to Aceh and Melabouh, the victims (children and adults alike) are often described as strong, and resilient. They seem to be able to pick up from where they left (and what's left) and move on. And knowing Acehnese culture, the youths there are also widely known to be morally secured and strong. InsyaAllah, they dun need another human being to hold their hand to survive... they only need Allah, as Allah is already in their hearts and minds.

How about youths in Singapore????? Can they survive if tragedy happens unto them? Are they THAT resilient??

Our youth community is being swiped away by a different type of tsunami. The tsunami of temptations... the tsunami of moral danger... and it keeps coming non-stop. How are they gonna survive? How many are helping? I wonder.....

I'm scared. I'm scared for myself. Scared that one day, perhaps, i might be swiped away... together with them... hanyut... I'm scared that i wont be able to save them.... able to only witness them drowned... with the rest... I'm scared that my family may be exposed to the danger.... I'm scared that MY children will have to grow up in that kind of environment where pre-marital sex is acceptable by the society... How can i prepare them? How can i control this?

I can't stop stressing that A LOT of help is needed by the youths in Singapore. Out of wedlock pregnancies is at the verge of becoming a norm among our community. I recall my conversation with one of the callers. An aunt, who's trying to help her niece who's pregnant. She mentioned a sentence which disturbs me: "Hello, Pusat Khidmat Keluarga? Ok lar.. saya tak perlu berselindung lagi lar eh.. lagi pon, ini dah macam perkara biasa kan? Macam gini.. anak sedara saya mengandung.. belum kahwin. Baru 18 tahun. Apa yang harus dia lakukan?"

My heart stopped for a while.

Solution at the moment... (wearing my Social Work cap): My role, hmmmm... OUR role is to help them help themselves by realising their strengths and resources available in their system. To facilitate an encouraging environment for them to continue and accelerate their development from teenagehood to adulthood. To prevent the same mistake from happening again, as well as to prevent possible divorce issues that MAY happen to these young couples. That's remedial solution - firefighting method. Its also important to develop youths from young. Start from school.... teach them simple social skills... teach them how to be a good friend.... teach them how to be a good son... teach them how to be good leaders... basically, teach them positive relationship building.

I think, these youths need good role models around them (dah macam cliche dah ni). Not the really OLD role models or those who are so far-fetched for them. Just a simple youth whom they can identify with. The kind of youth that kind exude positive spirit towards others. Youths need that.

I always think of myself as an at-risk youth (in my own way). I've done a lot of inappropriate things, and still doing it. I'm saved (kinda) by being with friends who are good, who REMIND me of goodness, of what's right and wrong. I change. And of course, i forgot, and 'delinquent', and i'm reminded again. That's part of growing up. We need people to remind ourselves. Wal 'Asr, Innal Insaana lafi Khusr. Illalla dziina aamanu, wa amilussaalihaat, wa tawa saubil haq (recommend people to the truths - al-ma'ruf, all kinds of good deeds), wa tawa saubis sabr...

Youths and children in Aceh are in good hands. They're able to stand up, and build up their own community. Holding their hands for too long means not believing that they're capable of being self-reliant. There's a limit in what we can do for other community. Too much help will only do much harm. Remember that!

We need ALL the resources to recommend OUR LOCAL youths to the truths.
To be a world ready youth also means to be a community conscious youth.

Think bout that!

Humaira..... firmly rooted, aspiring the World for local youths.

I wanna make you smile whenever you're sad

Carry you around when your athritis is bad
All i wanna do is grow old with you

I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks
Oh it could be so nice, growing old with you

I'll miss you
I'll kiss you
Give you my coat when you are cold

I'll need you
I'll feed you
Even let ya hold the remote control

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink
Put you to bed if you've had too much to drink
I could be the man who grows old with you
I wanna grow old with you....

Cair.. cair... Melt melt...

I'm a sucker when it comes to romantic flick...... call me a minah or a hopeless romantic.. i dun care. I know for sure, it helps me to haf some hope. Or at least fantasizing that those kinds of romantic men still exist in our society today. Watching those kind of movies (occasionally) also helps to remind me the important message in life.. that is... i still love Men.

Its so easy to hate men, especially when one works in this line. There's just so many real life examples that make me point all my five fingers to the men who make their family's lives so difficult. Hey! I have my fair share of bumping into those kinda men too... but, i still luv them nevertheless. My dad's not perfect. He made me worry sick, just because he refused to take his medicines. My brother's male ego is taller than him! His guts make me sick most of the time. I had a brush of 'not so successful' relationship with a guy whom i thought can control me, but failed to do so. Nevertheless... i appreciate these human flaws. Because they're human. And i hope, i'll still feel the same way after celebrating my 10th anniversary into this profession.

As i said earlier, its easy to hate men when you face with the bad 'male ambassador' everyday. You cant help but to form negative perception towards the general men, based on the characteristics that you're exposed to everyday. I've seen seniors (in other agencies tho') who talk about men as if they're bandits... created by Allah to make our lives more difficult. Ok, that's too extreme. Nevertheless, these people are 'trained' to be very skeptical towards the opposite gender that it kinda affects the rapport. I dun wanna be like them. I dun wanna be a feminist.

Women have their share of nonsense as well. We can be needy, non dependable, we talk non stop, we think too much.. and the list can go on.....

I can write more, but i wanna watch Black Hawk Down.
From fantasy, to the grim reality... sigh...

Humaira.... preparing to grow old

Look at the Earth, so wide and long
Look at the sky, so high and tall
Look at the sun, so bright and strong
Look at the moon above so small

Who made the Earth so wide and long?
Who made the sky so high and tall?
Who made the sun so bright and strong?
Who made the moon above so small?

Subhanallah, glory be to ALLAH
Subhanallah, glory be to ALLAH
Subhanallah, Subhanallah, Subhanallah, Subhanallah

Look at the nights and at the days
Look at the skies and at the seas
Look at the mountains and the leeways
Look at the plants and who made the trees?

Who made the nights? Who made the days?
Who made the skies and who made the seas?
Who made the mountains? Who made the leeways?
Who made the plants and who made the trees?

Subhanallah, glory be to ALLAH
Subhanallah, glory be to ALLAH
Subhanallah, Subhanallah, Subhanallah, Subhanallah

Look at the lion so brave and strong
Look at the camel so crooked but nice
Look at the giraffe, its neck so long
Look at the tiger with its bold, bold stripes

Who made the lion so brave and strong?
Who made the camel so crooked but nice?
Who made the giraffe, its neck so long?
Who made the tiger with its bold, bold stripes

Subhanallah, glory be to ALLAH
Subhanallah, glory be to ALLAH
Subhanallah, Subhanallah, Subhanallah, Subhanallah

This is the song we taught the level 1 students in DACC yesterday. The theme: Allah is our Creator, He creates everything that we see, smell and touch. The kids luv it. I remember singing this song when i was young. It's a classic Young Muslim Nursery rhymes. When i was younger (ard 7..), i enjoyed just the melody. But now... i began to really understand the lyrics. Its beautiful. Look at the animals and its characteristics. Who, on this earth, can figure out creating something with those characteristics??? Subhaanallah....

I'm sooo busy at werk! I'm gonna present a programme evaluation to MUIS this Friday! Arrrgghhh!! Pressure pressure!

Just now we played Life Monopoly! We borrowed the board game from Beyond FSC. It's actually used for Moneywise programme. The Boardgame is SIMILAR to monopoly, but more stressful. Its very lifelike. Cant really explain well in words. Lemme try...

1. Pick a profile card. On the card, there'll be descriptions of what you're supposed to be. I was an office assistant earning $1200 a month. I live in a purchased 3-room flat, taking care of 3 children. (hmmm... i wonder if i'm a single parent)

2. With me is my $1200 start up. (Must save save)

3. Roll the dice. On the board, you cant find Mrt stations, or estates or private housings. You'll find (a) chance - must pick 'chance' card, (b) lottery - must pay $20 and pick a play card. If you pick an Ace, you'll get the jackpot (c) Happy hour - Pay $15 (d) Sale! - must pick a 'sale' card, and you can choose whether u wanna buy or pass (e) Pay cigarettes, transport and expenses money (f) Pay rent (g) etc - cant remember

4. At the end of the board (there're only 30 boxes) you'll have to pay your monthly commitment (i.e hire purchase, bank loans, your children's swimming lessons, etc) and at the same time, get your salary.

All these sound familiar? You bet. Its LIFE!

As a social worker, i'm re-thinking whether i should re-make this board game and eliminate the Happy Hour and Lottery part. But Abang Lan made a very valid point. These are the choices in the real world. Anybody can choose to gamble when they're stuck, choose to drink when they're so depressed (example). Values are set aside. Perhaps, by playing this game with our clients, we can see and assess the set of values they have, how they make choices in life and how they handle with the worldly attraction. Point taken. MY CHALLENGE: To show them why these things are forbidden in our religion. How? Show them all these are a waste of MONEY!! hmmm.. that's all? lazy to think lar @ the moment.


Humaira..... the clerk assistance who drinks, gambles and smokes

Its Saturday... but it seems like any other day.

Started work as usual at 9am. Took a cab n i reached just in time (heh...)

Initially.. i wasn't in the mood to work.. looking at all those recordings that need to be done, the MUIS Financial Assistance applications with endless requirements and those letters just waiting for me to write and post to the funders... I just have no mood.

The morning was spent analysing what had happened yesterday. Everyone was frustrated. I wish i could share and document the black history in the blog... but i dun think its right.. *sigh*

I can still document what i've learnt tho'... here goes:

Lesson #1: BE ETHICAL!! Especially when dealing with external organisation.

Lesson #2: BE HUMBLE!! It can get you to places

Lesson #3: If you're assigned to do something... do it! Dont kepo on other people's tasks. If u haf to kepo, just give feedback or suggestion. Dont act on it coz its not your responsibility.

Lesson #4: Be wary when dealing with certain organisation (especially *******)

Lesson #5: If you have bad working relationship with someone, just be careful the next time.

Enuff said.

Because of the morning dysfunctionality, i stayed back till 5.30 to finish my work. ALONE. I enjoyed the environment then... so quiet... scary sometimes... i blasted my Taufik and Blue to fill the silence. I managed to send one MUIS F.A, read the whole course on smoking cessation, organise my IN-Tray AND plan for volunteers' programme. Talk about productivity! I'm satisfied! =D

One thing significant made my day; my msn conversation with Zhul the lawyer. His nick was 'Pakcik Goh?', and i know where that comes from. It's on today's paper, Prof Yaacob named XPM Goh is like our Pakcik, while the current PM is our something.. (cant remember). I catch no ball leyyy!!! Tak paham!! Why is he the Malay's pakcik??? HUH?!?!?!?!

So, we talked about it for a while.. he shared bout MUIS's coming up with the 10 commandments... err... i mean... 10 characteristics of Singaporean Muslim (talk about a doctrine!) n how superficial it is. I kinda disagree with him. I think some of the muslims need that kind of detailed guidance and direction. It helps to explain to pple from other races and religion as well when talking about Muslims in Singapore. Zhul partially agreed, but he also think that that is not a priority. That, i couldnt disagree with him.

And so we moved on talking about the community.. and how to wake up their idea. I'm especially touched to know that my once-upon-a-time fellow undergrad is planning to volunteer some of his time and expertise to the community. I feel i'm not alone in this journey. I feel comforted. Then, i remember what a lecturer once told me.... in da'wah journey, its normal to feel lonely. However, one is NEVER alone. In some point of the road, you'll meet someone who has the same destination in mind. And you'll walk together. And the group will get bigger... insyaAllah... if no one gives up, and decided to settle down in the middle of the road... not aspiring to get to the destination... (deep seyyy malam-malam gini!)

Like a quote i extracted from NVPC magazine:

"[The perception of volunteerism] should be expanded to activism - feeling that you have a stack in your neighbourhood, your school, your home... so then, how do you establish that stake?" - Suzaina Abdul Kadir, Co-Chairman, North East Youth Parliament.

I wish more people will be activist.. walking towards the same destination. Feeling a bit lonely now...

humaira... lonely but never alone