My mom's pesanan

In the busy-ness of life, the constant conversations i've been having with my mom are "Mak, pergi dulu", "Mak, Salam", and some bickerings of EARLY morning.

So this entry is worth the keying in to remind me of the REAL conversation i had.

We were sitting at the dinner table early in the morning. I was preparing Faj's wedding card overnight, and my mom sat, watching me and my sleepy self. She talked about buying houses.

"Kalau beli rumah, jangan beli yang mahal-mahal. Jangan jadi hamba rumah. Mak beli rumah ni, mak save betul-betul sampai dah habis bayar. Senang hati tak ada hutang. Tak payah beli rumah besar. Kecik-kecik jer. Senang nak kemas. Duit lebih, save. Go travel. Look at Cik Mi, Cik Yah. Kak Mamas too. They travel. They see the world. Their perspectives are fresh. Their mind are open. Kat dunia ni kita sekejap jer. Kalau nak hias rumah cantik-cantik buat apa? You cant bring it anywhere"

and i nodded.

That's our version of EFFECTIVE communication after a looooooooong time.

*sob*

The travelers vein runs in the family.

Home... is a state of mind after all.

Home... is where the Birds are going too...

Home... is where our father Adam left years and years ago.

humaira

My Pinky Feet

It has been a long time.

What have i been up to?

Plenty.

1. Tripod Camp 2007
2. Taiwan
3. Pangkor Island
4. Marriage and Partners
5. Our fight about a paper
6. How Princess Diana talks to me?
7. The Last Fire Work
8. The date with Yong

I'll begin from the last.

Ang Seng Yong's going off to Taiwan for a year. South Taiwan to be exact (Tainan, Nan means south --> i'm learning Mandarin, whee!!!) for a post in the army. So we met in a pub at the Esplanade.

Its kinda typical of Yong to introduce me to these places. We went to the Balcony beside Heeren for supper before. And he's already planning to bring me to another 'classy' pub, just to show me around (ceett! as if i'm a tourist). In a way i am. And i thank him for this opportunity. We talked about relationships, differences in culture, possible future inter-religious programmes in the nation in a so-called different environment.

Hey, i'm not planning to bring him to mosques in the name of 'cultural exchange', as he PRO-ACTIVELY has been doing so himself. Yong is a member of Young Sikh Association, and currently been active in Taoist Association. He has been involved in a number of inter-racial talks and a member of inter-religious circle (IRC). Consequently, mosque visiting is part of the job.

"Hey Yong! What drink do you recommend me?"
"You drink Orange juice lar"
"What are YOU drinking?"
"Red wine"
"hmmm... lemme try champaign"
"You crazy girl! You cant drink that lar! You're a Muslim!"

I smiled.

Yong is doing his bit of 'da'wah' to me.

"Joking lar! I'll try this chocolate thingy"
"Good choice!"
"Hey! They have root beer here!"

Lulu, a staff from the Taoist Association was there, accompanying Yong while waiting for me. She said

"But Root Beer got beer what? cannot right?"

Yong
"Silly girl! No alcohol lar!!"

Another point for Yong. He knows quite well about the jurispudence. I smiled again and nodded my head to affirm him.

We moved on talking about personal life and relationship issues, with a dash of religious perspectives in it. As Lulu is not so eloquent in English (Lulu's a Malaysian, studied in Taiwan, marrying a Hong Konger), Yong had to be the translator. A SULKING translator. We had fun!

To Yong, all the best in your posting! May you find beautiful South Taiwanese girl and bring her home. Or, May you find peace in whatever decision you choose (ahakz). And CUT DOWN ON THOSE STICKS!!

Till we meet again in the New Year Celebration.

Friendship built during Singapore-Malaysia Youth Camp 2005 (10th Contingent)

"And among His Signs is the creation of the heavens and the earth, and the difference of your language and colours. Verily, in that are indeed signs for men of sound knowledge" - Rum, 22

Feel Pain to Know Pain

...And beneath the sky's oppressive dome
Wounds scar you, you draw nearer to your home;
Don't flinch from pain or search here for its cure.
Uncauterized your wounds must bleed; endure!

~Farid-Ud Din Attar
The Conference of the Birds

As i was taught suffering is blessing,
realistically, it was too hard believing
As i feel the pain, and see the wound,
i realise how much i've been through.
It's a trophy for all the strife
to remind me how i survived.

A trophy not for triumph per se
but a lesson that must be relayed
After the pain, so where's the blessing?
Is it just the discovery of my wound and crying?
Retribution? Revenge?Forgiveness?
Its enough to reflect that Allah remembers
Recall His love note for all of us
in verse two-eight-six of the female ox
He promises us, a balanced strengths and tests
to Him, are we to doubt and detest ?

What we learn is the colours
of pain, which differs
not only black, not only white
as a coin, that has two sides
Despite the form, we need to brave
the value pain brings for us as slaves
the pain of Joseph, Jonah and the rest
are too huge to compare to us brats

Allah... guide me well in my journey of pain and suffering.
Guide me well in my LACK of pain and suffering...
as tests are more rigourous
in those forms that are less obvious

Allah.. please help.

~ humaira
Pale Reflection of Pain
12th June 2007

A Reflection A Day... Makes a Hamba Awake

A bird asks how long the journey is, and the hoopoe describes the seven valleys of the Way

Another bird said:'Hoopoe, you can find
the way from here, but we are almost blind -
the path seems full of terrors and despair.
Dear Hoopoe, how much further till we're there?'

'Before we reach our goal,' the hoopoe said,
'The journey's seven valleys lie ahead;
How far this is the world has never learned.
for no one who has gone there has returned -
Impatient bird, who would retrace this trail?

There is no messenger to tell the tale,
And they are lost to our concerns below -
How can men tell you what they do not know?

The first stage is the Valley of the Quest;
Then Love's wide valley is our second test;
the third is Insight into Mystery,
the fourth Detachment and Serenity -
the fifth is Unity; the sixth is Awe,
A deep Bewilderment unknown before,
the seventh Poverty and Nothingness -
and there you are suspended, motionless,
till you are drawn - the impulse is not yours -
a drop absorbed in seas that have no shores.

~ The Conference of the Birds,
Farid Ud Din Attar

I have yet to read further
the detailed explanation of hoopoe the traveller.
Come explore these places with me,
and together discover the wisdom of these valleys.

He is a sea; He asks of you one drop

Shah Mahmoud, full of sorrow, went one night
To one who keeps the baths' huge fires alight;
The man made room among the ash and the grime
(Feeding the furnace-mouth from time to time),
Then brought the king some stale, unwholesome bread.
"When he knows who i am," Shah Mahmoud said,
"He'll beg to be allowed to keep his head!"

When, finally, the king prepared to go,
The poor man said: "i havent much to show-
You've seen my home and food (i brought the best;
You were rather unexpected guest);
But if in future you feel sorrow's pain
I hope you'll come and be my guest again.

If you weren't king you could be happy, sire;
I'm happy shovelling wood on this great fire -
So i'm not less than you or more, you see...
I'm nothing next to you, your majesty."

The king was so impressed that he returned,
And seven times saw how that furnace burned -
at last he said: "Stop stoking this great fire
And ask from me whatever you require"

"I am a beggar, lord," the man replied;
"And with a king all needs are satisfied"

Shah Mahmoud said: "Speak up, ask anything -
You can forget the furnace and be king!"

He said: "My hope is this, now and then
My king will visit me in this dark den -
The dust he treads on is a crown to me;
His presence here will be my monarchy.
Yours is the kingdom and the hand that gives,
but that's not how a bath attendant lives.
Better to sit with you in this foul place
Than reign in state and never see your face.
This spot has brought me luck, and i'd be wrong
To leave the furnace-mouth where i belong -
Besides, it's here i made friends with my king,
I wouldn't give this up for anything -
When you are here the bath-house shines anew;
What more could i desire from you than you?
May my perverse heart die if it should crave
Another fate than to remain your slave!
What's sovereignty to me? All i request
Is that from time to time you'll be my guest."

The bath attendant's love should teach you yours;
Learn from him all the loving heart endures -
And if this love has stirred in you, then cling
With passion to the garments of your king;
He too is moved; hold fast and do not stop -
He is a sea; He asks of you one drop

~ Farid Ud-Din Attar, Conference of the Birds

Nothing is nothing

At the beginning of the centuries God used the mountains as nails to fix the Earth; and washed Earth's face with the water of Ocean. Then he placed Earth on the back of a bull, the bull on a fish, and the fish on the air. But on what rested the air? On nothing. But nothing is nothing. And seeing that His Essence alone exists it is certain there is nothing but Him. His throne is on the waters and the world is in the air. But leave the waters and the air, for all is God: the throne and the world are only a talisman. God is all, and things have only nominal value; the world is visible and the world invisible are only Himself.

But you must know God by Himself and not by you; it is He who opens the way that leads to Him, not human wisdom. The knowledge of Him is not at the door of rhetoricians. Knowledge and ignorance are here the same, for they cannot explain nor can they describe. The opinions of men on this arise only in their imagination; and it is absurd to try to deduce anything from what they say; whether ill or well, they have said it from themselves. God is above knowledge and beyond evidence, and nothing can give an idea of his Holy Majesty.

Consider those who have entered in the way of the Spirit. Look what has happened to Adam; see how many years he spent in mourning. Contemplate the deluge of Noah and all that patriach suffered at the hands of the wicked. Consider Abraham, who was full of love for God: he suffered tortures and was thrown into the fire. See the unfortunate Ishmael offered up in the way of divine love. Turn towards Jacob who became blind from weeping for his son. Look at Joseph, admirable in his power as in his slavery, in the pit and in prison. Remember the unhappy Job stretched on the earth a prey to worms and wolved. Think of Jonah who, having strayed from the Way, went from the moon to the belly of the fish. Follow Moses from his birth: a box served him for a cradle, and Pharaoh exalted him. Think of David, who made himself a breast-plate and whose sighs melted the iron like wax. Look at Solomon whose empire was mastered by the Jinn. Remember Zacharias, so ardent with the love of God that he kept silent when they killed him; and John the Baptist, despised before the people, whose head was put on a platter. Stand in wonder at Christ at the foot of the cross, when he saved himself from the hands of the Jews. And finally, ponder over all that the Chirf of the Prophets suffered from the insults and injuries of the wicked.

My friends! We are neighbours of one another: i wish to repeat my discourse to you day and night, so that you should not cease for a moment to long to set out in quest of Truth

~ Farid - ud - Din Attar ~
Conference of the Bird

~Conference of the Bird~

with hardship will always come ease

The beautiful story of Yusuf has so much to fill our lives.
A lesson in forgiveness and brotherhood we cannot compromise.
The power of patience and the fire of hope, must burn in the hearts of the wise.
The beautiful story of Yusuf has so much to fill our lives.

He wiped tears from his cheek with the smile on his face,
brushed the hair back from his daughter’s eyes
and as she finished her lesson and closed her Qur’an, it was clear then to recognize,
Allah only tests those who are loved.
His little girl climbed up onto his knees.
The words of Allah are clear to the world, “With hardship will always come ease.”

humaira
So much to learn from Yusuf

Another one... no Two...

Congratulations Sarah... for your new title, which you happily pronounced (or rather accepted) last Saturday, 14th April 2007. Mabruk my sahabah.... My do'a for you to be bestowed upon the strength to overcome new life phase with grace and patience. My love to you... always.

I cant help but to feel sad about not being there for Sarah on her special day. Dearest, hope you understand. When its my turn, i'll give you 2-months notice eh!

The idea of BEING the last one yet-to-be-married among my secondary school gal cliques starts creeping. I have friends' mothers making such analysis, friends realising it, and, of course, moi, knowing it all along. No, No... i shall not be swayed by the pressure. When its time, its time. I'm learning so much about life than to rush things... unless i'm sure as sure as it can get. I prefer mine to be...well done :)

Ok... i need to get back to work now. Will be fighting for time to spend on writing.

And oh! The Third Semester has commenced. Am in the crossroad of either continuing with the degree programme, or save money for masters @ ISTAC. I shall assess based on this semester.

Current 'Continuing-Degree' Decision Poll (based on the wisdom of others):
Ust Sukarti --> No
Mom --> Yes, but she said No after listening to Ust Sukarti's reasons
Brad --> No

Poll will end in June.
Anyone interested to join the poll, feel free to tag. Also state your reasons ya?



Humaira...
Still happily eating chocolate

Malcolm and Me

"Mankind's history has proved from one era to another that the true criterion of leadership is spiritual. Men are attracted by spirit. By power, men are forced. Love is engendered by spirit. By power, anxieties are created" ~ Malcolm 'Malik Asshabbaz' X

Malcolm X was born Malcolm Little, to a homemaker mother and an activist father. A born leader, Malcolm was articulate and naturally gifted, capable of self learning, and excelling in any matter he put his mind into (except for boxing =P)

An excellent inspirational life story of a leader who went through a journey of his own self-discovery. From pimping in the neighbourhood, to becoming a convict, to being addicted to drugs, to be the minister for Nation of Islam, to finally discovering the True Islam when he performed his Hajj in 1964. It was the same year Malcolm severed ties with his mentor, Elijah Mohd.

"I had experienced, for the first time, the Muslim teaching, " If you will take one step towards Allah - Allah will take two steps toward you" ' ~Hajj Malik Assabbaz

"Awareness came surging up in me - how deeply the religion of Islam had reached down into the mud to lift me up, to save me from being what i inevitably would have been; a dead criminal in a grave, or, if still alive, a flint-hard, bitter, thirty-seven-year-old convict in some penitentiary, or insane asylum.

But Allah had blessed me to learn about the religion of Islam, which had enabled me to lift myself up from the muck and the mire of this rotting world" ~ Malcolm X

A Western man who questioned the Western lifestyle (Empowered by the Whites). Another great advice from Mr Malcolm:

"You see, Islam is the only religion that gives both husband and wife a true understanding of what love is. The Western "love" concept, you take it apart, it really is lust. But love is disposition, behaviour, attitude, thoughts, likes, dislikes - these things make a beautiful woman, a beautiful wife. This is the beauty that never fades. You find in your Western civilisation that when a man's wife's physical beauty fails, she loses her attraction. But Islam teaches us to look into the woman, and teaches her to look into us"

When you're soo busy with life and the responsibilities tasked on you, some inspiration does a whole lot of difference. And choc fondue too =D




High on Sugar
High on Life

Literally,
humaira

New Members of the Family

Welcome my 2 new love of my life;

Spidey

Speedy

Not much different eh?

Its in the colour.

Little Spidey surprised us when she climbed up the cage. And little Speedy just cant get enough of the exercise wheel. She ran pretty fast too! These 4 months old hamsters are sooo smaaaallll!!!!!! Bought them from Vivo. After one day of MUCH thought =D

And Ja, i cant help but to 'snatch' that video from your blog to decorate mine. Its just soo irresistably cute. Kinda imagine if my Spidey n Speedy can sing, they'll sound like Tiger and Tanya of American Tail.... only that they're not mice, but hamsters (duhh!)

Humaira has Hamsters! (surprised?)
Humaira has Pets! (Surpriseddd??)



Thanks You Tube for the video
Thanks Mr Pumpkin for the excellent photos of the Hammies

Gri-di-ron gang???

I had difficulty pronouncing that title.

Its Grid-iron gang.

Whatever it means.

Same effect as the local gang names; ------------- still blank. I'm such a sucker at recalling names. Especially gang names despite the personal 'gangster' tutorials i've been having with my youth clients. So sorry i let you guys down. I'll try to make notes the next time.

While watching and being inspired by the movie Gridiron Gang, i couldnt help but to identify other formulaic inspirational stories and their similarities, such as the Remember The Titans, Coach Carter and The Longest Yard.

The similarities are:
a) Delinquents change and become better through sports (Football and basketball)
b) Most delinquents are black
c) Inspiring coaches
d) Games are used to learn teamwork and positive social support network
e) Delinquents are boys

Allow me to focus on point E.

Ever wonder why there arent many inspiring bad-girl-turn-good-girl movies?

a) No example
b) Girls are supposed to be easier. Portraying them wont be dramatic enuff for movies
c) All girls are made of Sugar, Spice and Everything Nice. So no need rehab, just make them realise how sweet they are naturally.

I believe girls play a different game of life than boys. Theirs are described as psychological games, which requires more emotional and intimate relationship. Honestly, i dun haf much success story to share and to reinforce my existing hypothesis. Engaging girls, are TOUGHER.

I also believe this is the consequence of the game played by the society; the girls-are-supposed-to-be-nice-and-we-have-to-pay-MORE-attention-to-the boys game. We are constantly surprised by the horrible things that girls commit, and we also secretly EXPECT or even ANTICIPATE the boys to behave worst. With this, we have 1001 strategies to address the boys, but less than 10 models of intervention for the girls.

How do we then, inspire the girls?

If we can satisfy the boys' testosterone via sports, hence increasing their perception of self-worth, what can we do on the girls to boost their, errmm... female hormones? Get DELICIOUS looking coach to be their role models?

I also wonder if the same model of intervention is applicable on the girls too. What should be the approach? coach to player r.ship? gerlfren to gerlfren? kakak to adik?

I think, the underlying formula that affect change in the lives of these youths are not merely the sports, the games, the trophy, etc. Its not about igniting the hormones either. Those are the initial attraction, i agree. But what makes them stay, and listen, and DECIDE to take charge of their life, is the powerful relationship they have with their coaches. They stay because of their coaches BELIEF in them more than they could imagine they can. It is the POSITIVE RELATIONSHIP formed by at least ONE adult in a young person's life.

America has Coach Carter, Coach Herman Boone (Remember the Titans) and Mr Sean Potter (Gridiron Gang). These are the real (or reflection of) people who believe in the youths' potential to be good and to be positive in life.

Who's going to believe in Singaporean Youths?

You dun need to be a coach, teacher, probation officer.

You just haf to BELIEVE.

And aspire to SEE change.

Put a full stop to juvenile crimes.

Come on people! Let us be big brother and big sister to the little ones.

Mentor! (hadza fi'il amr ya'ni)

humaira
inspired.

Its about the ummah. Its ALL about Him.

A Life is but a Play?

Kama Qal Shakespeare (translation: as mentioned by Shakespeare. Not in his own words though)

And agreed by Eric Burne, the psychologists who brought us the book "Games People Play", introducing the phenomenal Transactional Analysis.

Communication is a transaction between individuals.

I talk to you with the words i say (the content) and with the niyyah (motivation/intention) i have.

And i hope to be transacted in a certain manner i expect you to respond.

Example,
Humaira: What is your name?
Jude Law: My name is Jude. I like you.
Humaira: I like you too.

See? Transactional.

Eric also mentioned that each individual has 3 ego states.

Ego 1: Parent
This ego name parent is typical of the parent character we know. Bossy, naggy and directive. We ALL have that in us.

Ego 2: Adult
This ego loves facts. Such as the above example. Humaira asks Jude a question using adult ego and hope to get an adult-ego-ed answer too. Adult ego also loves rational and logic. Very straight forward.

Ego 3: Child
The lovable ego, externalising the child in us (duh!). This ego loves to be cuddled, very good in coaxing, crying and whining.

Dun judge yourselves now. No No! ALL of you have ALL of these. Its a matter of how, when and to who you exhibit these ego to.

"The ultimate goal of transactional analysis is the analysis of scripts, since the scripts determine the destiny and identity of the individual"

How apt. My mom used to say, what we say is a do'a. What we say can oftentimes be who we are. So, words such as 'stupid', 'bodoh', 'giler', 'silly', 'kurang ajar' or even 'syaitan', are banned in my household. To the extent when mom needs to say it as a form of educating or teaching us a lesson, she will S-P-E-L-L it out. And she is sooo consistent of this rule, she even does it to our cousins and those kids who come to our house for ngaji classes. My house became a spelling bee for bad words.

My mom was right. Wat we say, becomes the value of who we are eventually. It becomes the central theme of the game we play in our life. By saying 'I'm stupid', you're already playing The Stupid game, even when you dun realise it. I like to say, i'm not smart, but just lucky. So, i play that game in my life. I found myself not being able to control my life, as i depend on luck for things to go smooth. And it is reinforced by the successes i had and i attribute it to luck. This further reinforcing that i'm not smart too.

But how do we come up with such scripts? How do we know to say those words?

EXPERIENCE taught us that, and without proper reflection, we began to make decision that those experience DEFINE us (it becomes a psychological position). And this decision is further reinforced by us saying out the script.

How did i come out with 'I'm not smart but lucky' script?

As i grow up, smart is defined as those in the top 3 position in class. I'm always the fourth. And i began to like the fifth. And as i got higher, i began to sit in 'bigger' number that describes my position in class. Life in Alsagoff was competitive. Dun trust me? Ask any other Alsagoffians. We are competitive by nature, reinforced by the environment. Those who arent, drop out. Or 'stay back' (translation: being retained in the same level twice or thrice).

I thought i'm lucky and not smart because, i had teachers who perhaps, forgot to stroke me that i deserve the position i got. Or mom who forgot not to say "How does this other student fare? Is she better than you?". I once heard she said I'm lucky to be given good grades, good enough to advance to higher level. I'm LUCKY i have a dad who pat me in the back and said "I like that number. I dun understand what you're learning, but i know you put in LOTS of effort into it. And i appreciate you for that. Let's celebrate!" I hold on to that. Dearly.

LUCKY i read this book and realise this (note my personal script. I used the word lucky). I also realised that, luck aside, i am in control of making the decision to take control of my life, rather than attributing it to just luck. I'm capable of making decision about my life, and i also acknowledge that taqdeer, plays ultimate role in the outcome of my life. I decide the process of getting to the outcome.

"Transactional analysis is a tool you can use to know yourself, to know how you relate to others, and to discover the dramatic course your life is taking. The unit of personality structure is the ego state. By becoming aware of your ego states, you can distinguish between your various sources of thoughts, feelings and behaviour patterns. You can discover where there is discord and where there is agreement within your own personality. You can become more aware of the options available to you"

Indeed. When we talk about communication, we always think of the dynamic between us and the other person. WE communicate with OURSELVES too. And often times, these communication patterns are often forgotten. How can we develop effective comm with others when we dont develop one with our own selves?

I read this book as a preparation for my child management cases this Saturday. I hope to find messages and 'tips' to 'teach' parents on how to COMMUNICATE with their children.

Instead, i found the different characters in me (My child - teary ego talking to YOUR adult ego)

My message to parents: Discover the games you play with your children. And WHY you play such games.
Disclaimer: You'll need a Social Worker to guide the process :)

Humaira
No wonder.
The child in me is nurtured.

Still have LOTS of entries to type. RAP starting. Hence the madness. Pray for me.

And i pray for the barakah of time... for ALL of us =D
And Oh! HAPPY SOCIAL WORKER'S DAY!!!!

2007 Blog Laundry List

1. Extra Marital Affairs - History and the 5 different types
2. Blood Diamond experience
3. Tis the festive of sacrifices

InsyaAllah. Will have the time. Will search the time. Will find the time.

Humaira..
stay tuned!