Ordinary afterall?

"Isn't it ordinary to be extra-ordinary?"

Because we're unique in our own way... hence the pursuit to feel special is n.o.r.m.a.l.

Is n.o.r.m.a.l equals to o.r.d.i.n.a.r.y then?

normal (adj): conforming with or constituting a norm or standard or level or type or social norm

Similar, but not the same.

It is afterall, normal (adj- in accordance with scientific laws) to feel extra-ordinary

We're normal....

humaira
abnormal-ing now
normal and not ordinary

Ordinary?

We were told that we're the youths of the nation, the hope of the people, the light at the end of the tunnel.

We were told so many things, except that we're ordinary.

We were told that we can move many things.
How can ordinary people do that?
We were told that we should not be scared to dream, to aspire, to aim to move any mountains... to recreate fairy tales and live a dream.

You failed to tell us that we're human beings.
We are afterall.... o.r.d.i.n.a.r.y
Aren't we?

What's o.r.d.i.n.a.r.y?

Ordinary People
Lyrics by John Legend

Girl im in love with you
This ain't the honeymoon
Past the infatuation phase
Right in the thick of love
At times we get sick of love
It seems like we argue everyday

I know i misbehaved
And you made your mistakes
And we both still got room left to grow
And though love sometimes hurts
I still put you first
And we'll make this thing work
But I think we should take it slow

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow

This ain't a movie no
No fairy tale conclusion ya'll
It gets more confusing everyday
Sometimes it's heaven sent
Then we head back to hell again
We kiss then we make up on the way

I hang up your call
We rise and we fall
And we feel like just walking away
As our love advances
We take second chances
Though it's not a fantasy
I Still want you to stay

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow

Take it slow
Maybe we'll live and learn
Maybe we'll crash and burn
Maybe you'll stay, maybe you'll leave,
maybe you'll return
Maybe another fight
Maybe we won't survive
But maybe we'll grow
We never know baby youuuu and I

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Heyyy)
We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow

Humaira
Ordinary?
Still hoping for my fairy tale

or·di·nar·y adj.

a. Of no exceptional ability, degree, or quality; average.

b. Of inferior quality; second-rate.

http://www.thefreedictionary.com

H.O.M.E + Musical + Colours = LIFE

A full circle?

2 years ago, during HOME@St52, an annual carnival organised by PPIS-Jurong FSC, i took part in the free flu vaccination exercise.

2 years later, i got a really bad flu bug, conquering my immune system, few days before HOME@St52.

Sux?

Kinda timely....
A full circle of humaira's screwed up internal system.

Other than that, i've been busy with work (what else is new), missing my family (esp my cousins), attending weddings (witnessing BEAUTIFUL brides *smile*) and of course, being happy =D

Life's a bliss.
Alhamdulillah.

Should my life be portrayed as a musical, i would be dancing kewl moves, upbeat tempo and rapping away happy words! And of course... romantic songs too.....

As i'm swooned over by the beautiful songs from Puteri Gunung Ledang, the musical.

Excellent Eastern love story.
A STORY which authenticity is sooo secondary.
Cinderella wasnt real. But its still one of the most popular fairy tales ever known to children, isnt it?

Let the Puteri be the Eastern Cinderella then.

And Hang Tuah?
Hmmmm.....

Call me judgemental, i never like him (the character) ever since i picked and read sastera Melayu during Secondary school. Blind obedience to the leader, with no insight and incapable of having independent thoughts, as portrayed and analysed from the literature. However, the portrayal of Hang Tuah is different in PGL. Handsome, suave, pandai berpantun, good with words....[yawnzz] I still prefer Jebat, a no-nonsense man, cunning, creative and most importantly, assertive in standing up for his opinion. A challenge, and ideal for modern women *wink* Should Jebat be the Hero in PGL... hmmm, i wonder if the ending will be different.....

Should my life become a musical, i'll get tired of hitting the high notes. Hence, welcome the colourful pills that 'beautify' my life.

Technically speaking, my health has been a disaster of late. I have noooo idea what causes it, as i swear i took care of my health prudently (ie, sleep before 2am, eat fruits, eat... basically) But the flu bug wasnt merciful to its target. It hit me with the highest temperature of 39.8deg. Virus spread to gastric system.

Alhamdulillah... the colourful pills help combat the bug. As much as i hate swallowing the bitter cure, i have human beings surrounding me nagging endlessly to ensure the 8-hourly activity.

Now that Humaira's great wall of immunity is built up, insyaAllah.... i cant wait to get back to work and continue my pursuit to ensure the success of the carnival. Can't wait....

Fundraising activities...
There are few ways people can do:
The short and smart way, with minimum manpower, or
the huge and traditional way, with maximum resources and manpower.

Both work.
In Social Work, the latter seems to be more preferred.
Fundraising is not only about the output of the funds being raised.
Its the awareness, the amount of energy being galvanised to support a particular cause.
Its outcome: priceless.

Therefore... as much as people cry, tired, get fatally sick out of organising a fund-raising activity, we ALL know, every tear, sweat, vomit and pills swallowed, is for a cause. The tougher the journey... the sweeter the victory. Its ALL part of the process bebeh~

Hence, do not underestimate traditional fundraising effort.

On that note, i invite you to share PPIS-Jurong FSC and our beneficiaries' sweat and effort in our pursuit to raise funds for Straits Times School Pocket Money Fund. Dont let our children miss essential education only because they have no money for transport or food to eat during recess time. Its UNTHINKABLE in a modern and civilised society like ours. Unthinkable!

I'm appealing to your compassionate nature to support this cause.

Lets Seed HOPE so as to Realise their dreams.
Begin with supporting School Pocket Money Fund.

Hope to see y'all there!

More info:
HOME@ST52.

Humaira
Finally... its out of my system

Quote of the week:

We are our own tool in our profession. A change in part of us, will change the quality of the whole tool, hence the quality of our service ~ Dearest Sup

Face Doesn't Lie

Does it?

Mine really doesn't.

It betrayed me... again and again.

I dun mean to lie, really.... i'm just covering the truth =P

The truth about, the union which hopefully will make us better individuals, and most importantly, better servants.

The new journey begins, i suppose.

All the best :)


humaira
Dancing... comfortably


Fav Picture of the week goes to...

Zak-ster and Aid-staz
ke'kakak RAP berkebaya di PPIS Day

Oooooo-tique

The entry with xxx in mind.

Sex in the Lion City?

Yerp. In the middle of CBD area.

There stood a little room of havenly pleasure... to human men and women alike.

The little secret of pleasure which i'm dying to share with u, my darling girlfriends.

How bout a date there sometimes?

I shall arrange it.

With Allah's pleasure, insyaAllah.

Especially those dearies who may find these items of utmost relevant in their next phase of life

Ms Suhailah (25th Nov)
Ms Fidza (9th Dec)
Ms Sarah (April, 2007)
Ms Fitriah (August, 2007)
Ms Ainul (July, 2007)
Ms K (2007)
Ms S (200?)

Ms Rashidah (3rd Dec), Ms Aliah (25th Nov).. to u gals too (though unlikely u'll read this =P)

To dearest dearest Kak Mariam (17th Nov)...
You were georgous. You've always been and will alway be.

Alamak... gtg
PPIS Day now.

=D

The Voyage of Self Discovery

For those who are not in the loop of my Ramadhan activity, here's the news: Went to UIA Gombak for a week. Why? To mug. Seriously! (also to hand in overdue assignmentsss lar)







My adventurous journey started in the west-north train. My big bag which covers half of me attracted some individual's attention. Mr Ismail especially, (yeah.. i know his name coz he gave me a slip of paper consisting name n fone number) as he approached me asking if i'm going for a holiday (duh!). Since i was memorising Surah al-Haaqqah, he also asked if i'm well conversed in Arab. I let him talk and talk. I just smiled. And i board the train. Without him. Pheuh. He asked me to call... which of course i wont.

First time travelling alone.
Alone... but not lonely.

I was accompanied by my self-reflection. And Alhamdulillah, there are people protecting me. Or at least constantly looking upon my welfare. The bus service i took from Singapore carried 2 men and myself. Excluding 2 drivers. The pakciks drivers constantly checked on me if i'm ok. So sweet of them :)

Hey~ I'm not gonna go through day-by-day account. Just few things i wanna remember.


I MISS SCHOOL!!!!!!
I MISS CAMPUS LIFE!!!!!
I MISS LECTURES!!!!
I MISS LIBRARIES!!!
I JUZ MISS EVERY THING!!!
except the exams, really.


Other than that, i realised i'm capable of attending Arab lecture (i may need a big dictionary still, but i survived)

We also learnt to smell the flowers. Despite the busy tasks we have. Coz life contains choices.

Oh! Mental note: To read biography of Malcolm X. Have to search for the book at Kino should i go there again.

And last but not least, Sarah... thank you for having me. Cant thank you enuff, really.

Kinda lazy to write more. Enjoy the pics.


The winding road to mahallah Ameenah.

The view from where we mug.

The boy at the Malcolm X talk.











lalalala~
Humaira
cramp cramp cramp

How do i identify a divine sign?

I promise i'll update my UIA - Ramadhan experience....Soon... (pray i have the strength to do it)

Ja... when's our date? Miss you lots. Let's meet up over cereal sotong?

Perhaps this entry can jumpstart our endless conversation when we finally meet?

Have you ever done istikharah ?

A type of specific prayer which one practices when in a crossroad of choices.

How do u identify Allah's divine answer?

Some say... its in the calmness of the heart.
Some say... u can find it in your dreams.
Some say... well... you'll know it.

How do i know?

by something tangible, like reading or investigating the scary past?
or.... it is really about belief? and the courage to forget the past and trust the hope of the future?

I'm scared.
Yes, Darnie... you may be right. I may be scared of.. perhaps... being hurt again?
How do i remedy fear?

Belief? Trust?

Knowing Allah's bigger plan...?

humaira
Its humaira vs eeman part II.


Awaiting Saturday's itenary:
7am: At Office, preparing logs for wRAP-Up (Youth Programme)
8am: @ Kranji Sec Sch
8.30am: Prepare registration
9am: Programme commences - Parenting Talk, Lower Sec Workshop 5, Upper Sec Rehearsal
10.30am: Break
10.45: Programme resumes
12.30: Ends, refreshment
1pm: Fly to Wisma Indah
2.30pm: Research Methods paper
5pm: End. Asar
7pm: Meet kak Mariam n Yati to go Kak Azidah's house
8pm: Meet kak Sha and the rest to go to Ustaz Haniff's house
10pm: Home. To revise Science of Qur'an

Awaiting Sunday's madness:
7am: Hopefully, still awake and still revising
8am: On the way to Wisma Indah
9.30am: Science of Qur'an Exams
12noon: Ends and Zohor
2pm: Rush back home ~ Prepare to welcome Saff battalion
SMS The Yemen guy about the battalion. Prepare Video Conference.
10pm: Hopefully.... just hopefully.... that will be the end.
10.30pm: Breathe

Seasons of Love

Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes,
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Moments so dear.
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure, measure a year?

In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights
In cups of coffee
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.

In five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure
A year in the life?

How about love?
How about love?
How about love? Measure in love

Seasons of love. Seasons of love

Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes!
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Journeys to plan.

Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure the life
Of a woman or a man?

In truths that she learned?
Or in times that he cried?
In bridges he burned?
Or the way that she died?

U Local?

A very long over due post.

I'll catch up.

First: Thailand.

Sa waa dee ka~

A country of beauty and grace. I'm in love with the language and the way they speak! So respectful. The sky of Bangkok... so clear and pristine... i was amused as i always thought that Bangkok, of all places SHOULD be congested with air pollution. I breathe healthily.

Honestly, my Bangkok experience was found in the markets, bazaars and 3 eating places. We fasted despite our 'musafir' status. We survived, alhamdulillah, while conquering (lemme recall...) 2 shopping centres, 2 bazaars, 1 night market and of course, the in famous cha tu chak market. I admit, i didnt really conquer cha tu chak. I gave up after 4 hours of walking. And that only cover the accessories and clothes section. There are at least 6 other sections!

There are so many stories to tell.. including the incident with a fellow Singaporean at the new Bangkok airport. Oh well, we'll save it some other time.... or when we meet perhaps?

Enjoy the pic.

Which shopping centre do we go first?

2 chicks and a spotty shelter

Dazed by the choice

The hitch-hiking baby elephant.

LOL!!!

Colours colours colours!C'est de la France! J'aime la roue nuit~

Hard Rock with Interesting Warning...."No Drugs or Nuclear Weapons allowed inside"

Mirror mirror in my hand...

The boy who inspires

Johnny's social conscience.
A great landmark too!

Tired and saved by an Arab restaurant

Pass at 15kg

Bz Bz airport

Amateur photos

Leaving Thailand with a glimpse of Beauty and Grace
Kap Kum Ka~

How does one know if she is missing something in her life?

Aida and I went to a secondary school in the east yesterday when we met this charming school counselor. Married. Intelligent. Apparently, he was a teacher. Just took a 6-month course to specialise in counselling.

I wonder..... is it his calling to switch to a career which is deem as more meaningful?

As far as i know, most people switch their professional careers, such as those in the engineering field, banking industry and management, to something which is considered as more mild and more meaningful; touching others' lives via counselling. And most of these people are either in their mid-life (40s) or retiring.

All these people, including the charming school counselor, had experienced life outside the social service.

Social service is my first career. Casework and counselling is my first task.

Does this mean that i found fulfillment earlier than them? Or, am i scared enough to explore my other possibilities and jump into something which is most accessible?

Am I missing something? Will I be exempted or excluded from any important life lessons due to this career inertia?

Aida said, "Yeah! We miss money"

Smart answer.

I don't attempt to disagree.

The day progressed and I attended a Hari Raya makan-makan cum inaugural meeting.

The guestlist was exclusive. And i still wonder how my name could be there.

There i was, sitting comfortably in between the girls, cuddled up in the soft comfortable sofa, trying to make sense of their conversation. Perhaps i was late, hence my struggle.. Perhaps i was still boxed, in a certain system, trying to make sense based on the limited framework.

Basically, i felt boxed. Stucked.

Is this what i'm missing? the experience of being in a larger box?

Is this what life is? Defining the box we're in?

Then i realised.... it IS my decision, MY choice. And i chose to be in this box, maximise it, hence allow it to define me. I always have alternatives. I can choose to break the box (its gonna hurt a lot, myself and others), allowing myself the little hole of freedom. Or, i can just get out from the box and poke it from outside, making it my little hole of connectedness to the past framework.

At the moment, i stick to my decision. As i like how it defines me.

Stuck? Boxed?

I'll create the little hole of freedom.

Hence i have to get ready for some adventure of hurt, anger, disappointment and a whole lot of self-discovery.

Life is empowering.... to the extend that it is beyond our understanding.

Humaira

The 7th-night Date: When u seed love in me

Weather description: Windy.
Lailatul Qadr Indicator: 80% No.
Love letter read: 2nd chapter.

I was supposed to spent my date at AlFalah tonite. Instead, i worked my heart (i cant say b*#@, must respect Ramadhan) out at Saff centre, preparing for Ramadhan Rocks '06 media kit, together with the rest. However, the date was no less significant. In fact, it was one of the memorable dates i never wish to forget.

The date led by fellow comrades brought humility towards your Greatness, my dear. You spread your love so unselfishly, You make it easier for us to love each other for Your name, Your message, Your pleasure. Please continue to unite our hearts, so as to be strong, and together stand in line to be in remembrance of Your greatness. Ameen.

The date was filled with Hope. To help us with our effort. My Dearest, we have done only so much to attain your Pleasure. The outcome is entirely Yours to decide. My dearest the Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

And so we bow in prostration, submitting our whole self to You.... the creator of all.
Help us in our little effort.
Assist us in our weakness.
Unite us in our hearts.

Humaira
Back to the Media Kit

First date: A shiverish experience

When the imam said: Bismillaahirrahmaanirraheem

nawaitu souma ghadin 'an adaa i fardhi syahri ramadhaana haa dzihis sanati lillaahi ta'aala

I felt a shiver going through my spine. It's here. I meet IT again. Alhamdulillah...

I'm proud the way my fellow Muslim Singaporeans are gearing to meet this month.

A concert-cum-forum, an effort by fellow youthful brothers with latent energy to see positive changes in the community viz creative approach. I welcome and applaud such effort =D

Ladies and gentlemen, the quest has begun. To make full use of this opportunity to be closer to the Utmost Loved.

Here's my dating plan (important reminder to self)

1st night, Sat, 23/9: A date at Kassim Mosque --> CHECKED! Shiverish experience!

2nd night, Sun, 24/9: A date at home (to submit research report)

3rd night, Mon, 25/9: A date at home (to bring my text books to the date)

4th night, Tue, 26/9: A date at Assyakirin

7th night, Fri, 29/9: A date at al-Falah

8th night, Sat, 30/9: A date in the OUTDOOR!!!! with other loved ones ~

9th night, Sun, 1/10: A date at home (resting)

10th night, Mon, 2/10: A date at Darussalaam -- after training @ FRTC

11th night, Tue, 3/10: A date at Darussalaam -- after training @ FRTC

12th night, Wed, 4/10: A date at home. Preparing self for another journey

13th night, Thur,5/10: A date at Thai.

14th night, Fri, 6/10: A date at a Mosque at Bangkok (Hmm.. hoping to find one)

15th night, Sat, 7/10: A date at a hotel.

16th night, Sun, 8/10: A date at home. Recuperating...

17th night, Mon, 9/10: A date at al-Falah

18th night, Tue, 10/10:A date at Maulana

19th night, Wed, 11/10:A date at Home

20th night,Thur,12/10:A date at UIA?

21st night, Fri, 13/10: A date at UIA?

22nd night, Sat, 14/10: A date at UIA?

23rd night, Sun, 15/10: A date at UIA?

24th night, Mon, 16/10: A date at UIA?

25th night, Tue, 17/10: A date at home

26th night, Wed, 18/10: A date at Assyakirin

27th night, Thur, 19/10: A date at Assyakirin

28th night, Fri, 20/10: A date at Assyakirin

29th night, Sat, 21/10: A date at Assyakirin

30th night, Sun, 22/10: A date at Assyakirin

Ameen...

Humaira
Gearing up!

Fly Me to the Moon... No... Kingdom... No... ANYWHERE

Thai has to start a coup now. And i haf to attend a training scheduled during my proposed day(s) off!

I think the whole world is against me taking a break!!!

Arrgghhh~

Nevertheless, Thailand, I'm still flying off to you.

World, get ready for humaira!

Humaira
Publishing a book... alhamdulillah

His Other Sister?

The interesting tag-board conversation brought me to reminiscing my past... all the way to the innocent world of Alsagoff.

Due to re-construction, my school was transfered from the (current MINDS) building at Kembangan to the newly upgraded one at Jalan Sultan back in 1992. I was primary 4 then. And at the same time, we were progressed to the A.M session. The schooling system in madrasah is a bit different from those of normal government schools. We can't afford the space to allow alternate session to different levels. Ours work such that all of the lower primary students will attend the P.M session, and the upper primary up to the higher level will have to wake up early in the morning to attend classes. Hence, when you're 10 years old, waking up in the morning to go to school together with the seniors was such honour. I LOOK FORWARD to go to school!

A year later, everyone began to feel settled with the new building. Great infrastructure then. Cool auditorium with AIR-CON!! We, back in 1994, were greatly impressed. We stand tall during the assembly, not to sing the school anthem (we dont have any), but to read the daily prayers, feeling proud, and immensely blessed. That was me, 11 years old.

Being in all-girls school also mean that our socialization circle is limited to the single gender; the females. We admire one another, we love one another, we have crushes, we feel jealous with one another, there was definitely competitions, arguments, cat fights on who get to be that kakak's adik angkat first.... its normal. I dont think its anyway near lesbianism. We need to scrape through the surface and see the underlying needs beneath these actions. These are normal behaviour because it functions to satisfy developmental challenges. The type of challenge which exist in any growing teenagers; the yearn to be loved, known and acknowledged. In this context, rather than being acknowledged by boys, we yearn for acknowledgement from the female seniors whom we respect and admire. Hence, i conclude that this socialisation is unique, and at the same time, as healthy as those experienced in co-ed schools.

So, i experienced having crushes on the kakak-kakaks. Acknowledgement happened to be coincidentally blessed upon me that i dont have to yearn for it much. It happened when some sisters discovered that i kinda look like Art Fazil, hence thought that Art Fazil actually has a kid sister in the school. This kind of jeweled information couldnt be kept secret in a school 1.5-soccer-field wide and 3 levels high. Hypothesis ran wild, and if i had known how to pronounce 'media conference', i would do one for myself and announce that i have no wat-so-ever relation with a man name Art Fazil. I always wondered to myself what kind of name is that anyway? I didnt know how he looks like, really.... Those aside, i admit i enjoy the limelight (so kak 'mummy', there is no need to apologise, really. I should thank you instead for making my growing up years a bit easier. teehee). I remember blushing and constantly running and seeking refuge in the toilet whenever i was teased. Haha. (Hmm... i ran to the boys toilet. My favourite hang-up place in-between lessons)

Who was Art Fazil anyway? My only information of him was from my aunt, who was the producer of HMI (Hiburan Minggu Ini), an entertainment programme for the Malay audience. She mentioned about the station's new rule in banning artistes with long hair, and Art Fazil is one of them. I was quite impressed actually by his assertiveness in standing by his long mane. We're talking about free publicity to boost artiste's name by singing in the show. But he still declined. That spells a lot of character in him.

Oh... i always wonder how its like to have an elder brother anyway. Someone to protect me. To teach and guide me. To tell me things i can never find in books and google. To introduce me wisdom. To nurture me with experience. And to constantly remind me how life is beautiful when one puts the right mind into it. How amazing this will be.... and how wonderful if i can be such a person to another human being =D

Art Fazil continues to have impacts in my life. From allowing me to be acknowledged in tweenage years in school, to making me feel special in my love-struck TEENage life. His album was a constant reference source to the boys in my life to dedicate their 'love' to me with. I was swooned.. yeah... i admit. Merindu Kepastian was popular. And the song 'Nur', a very apt song title which also describe my intimate name only called by the closest human beings on earth; my family, aunts and uncles and cousins. 'Nur' never fails to lift me up and empowers me to exude such light and hope on others. 'Merindu Kepastian' allows ME to constantly have hope that, well, the song will be sung to me again.... some day... :)

I'm sure, this talented singer willl continue leaving his influence in my life, in some way or another.

And i am pleased to allow it.

Apa yang menceriakan bumi
Setiap hari setiap waktu pagi
Membuat wajah berseri

Bagaimana tumbuh-tumbuhan
Terus segar didalam kehijauan
Di dalam hutan dan taman

Nur... cahaya sakti

Di tengah kegelapan malam
Ketika bintang di langit berkerdip-kerdipan
Indah seri sang rembulan

Ketika insan kealpaan
Ketika kejahilan menutup kesedaran
Siapa petunjuk jalan

Nur... cahaya sakti

Nur adalah kuasa semulajadi
Nur adalah asal asli rohani
Nur tercipta dari azali
Nur... nur... nur...

--------------------------
Matters that cheer the world
Everyday every morning
enliven each faces.

How do plants
always fresh in the greeneries
in the forests and gardens

Nur... the magical light

In the middle of the dark night
when the stars in the sky shine
Beautiful is the moon

When human beings forget
when ignorance closes awareness
who guide the path?

Nur... the magical light

Nur is the natural power
Nur is the authentic spiritual root
Nur is created by The Creator
Nur... Nur... Nur....

Nur... the magical light

I look way much different now. They said its the eyes. Go figure lar.


Humaira
planning to get time off later.
Headache unbearable.

Humaira vs Eeman

"What goes around, comes around. What comes up, must come down" - Alicia Keys

I believe in retribution.

Good efforts will be blessed.

Sinful ones will be punished.

Similar to Karma (Quoting Earl: 'You do good things and good things will happen to you') And i'm sure the opposite will have similar effects too.

I'm in a situation when almost everything seems wrong (No, i'm not PMS-ing). My work piling up, i'm questioning my professional limitations and my personal idealism, my unfulfilled promises, heaps of articles, anger on self resulted from a certain new information, unsatisfactory mid-term grades... and bla bla bla (depressed already).

I know matters such as heaps of workload can be structural consequence of earlier actions, such as overlooking my schedule plans.

Some... i believe... is a form of retribution. Especially when it comes to emotional torture.

And so i allow myself to experience the hurt, the grieve, the sadness, the anger, and all other negative emotions ever known to humankind.

I ALLOW. As i define these feelings as retribution.

My problem is... When will this retribution end? Forever?

How do i know this is a form of retribution in the first place?

Can i dictate my own punishment?

Isnt it Allah's will and mercy?

What's happening to my eeman?

Shouldnt i say i believe in Allah's qadha and qadar? Retribution, good or bad, depends on His mercy and just?

Allah... should i stop allowing myself to feel punished and start hoping for better outlook?

Is my taubat enough for you to accept?

Compatible enough to atone for my mistakes?

Allah...
Show me. Guide me. Protect me. Strengthen me.
Show him. Guide him. Protect him. Strengthen him.
Show them. Guide them. Protect them. Strengthen them.
Show us. Guide us. Protect us. Strengthen us.

...... as we begin with Your name, the most Gracious, most MERCIFUL.......

Humaira
Awaiting Ramadhan.... for the battle of Badr... the fight to preserve self sovereignty.

Life's Uniform

"The skirt you're wearing looks like a wedding gown. Are we gonna get invitation card anytime soon?", my coursemate said.

How interesting. My attire determines my readiness for marriage? Asked my heart.

"Oh~ Err.. i woke up feeling i wanna wear something happy and pretty to perk the day. Marriage? Pray for me ya kak? InsyaAllah the time will come with someone Allah redha", my mouth said and followed with a smile.

The $5 Oh La La skirt i bought at Jennyfer's closing down sale is a beautiful investment. It does have a wedding kind of feeling with that flowy A-cut and the material which shouts class and glamour. It will be perfect for wedding ceremonies (in fact, i should wear it for Faeza's wedding tomorrow)

But hey...

Living in a post-modern world, its an era of de-constructing almost ANYTHING which is relative.

Wearing a 'proper' attire for proper occasion is a social construct, or should i say, constructed by the colonials. One wears fanciful hat for horse racing party, one wears one's best in the presence of the royalties, one wears black for funerals and well.. so many other rules pertaining occasional uniforms.

And what do we do? We ADOPT this construct. We start these rules; One 'supposed' to wear white for funeral, 'supposed' to wear gold and the nicest clothes for wedding occasions, rent the expensive boutique clothes for your own wedding and etc etc. I'm guilty... sometimes. And i'm tired abiding the rules.

I wear what i wanna wear.

According to what i think deem practical... and of course according to Allah's permission.

Islam does not dictate what kind of clothes to wear... as long as it is clean and covers aurah.

"Ayesha (R) reported that Asmaa the daughter of Abu Bakr (R) came to the Messenger of Allah (S) while wearing thin clothing. He approached her and said: 'O Asmaa! When a girl reaches the menstrual age, it is not proper that anything should remain exposed except this and this. He pointed to the face and hands." (Abu Dawood)

So its ok if i wear nice skirts on an un-eventful day eh?

Please let me.

It makes the un-eventful pretty and glamourous.

Just like the skirt.

Now, what should i wear for Faeza's walimah?

Hmmmmm..... a $19 Yen skirt with a kebaya.

All hail Sale!!!

Humaira
I failed my Research Proposal Paper 4/10
I nearly failed my Research Methods mid-term 11/20
Not feeling on top of the world.
Am under the weather.
And yeah... i hope the clouds will move =)

"لإن شكرتم لأزيدنكم, لإن كفرتم إن عذابي لشديد"

Making It Personal

Make it Personal!

That's my latest blog, dedicated to random thoughts on issues of interest. Comments on research findings and editorial journals will be kept, hoping one day i can develop those thoughts. Definitely not a place for my common ramblings of petty petty little events happening in my little life.

Make it Personal.....

A title inspired by the sharing session with the Master Trainer (MT) Ustaz Haniff.

His sharing started by inviting us to look backward... asking ourselves how was our school life experience like? How was the attitudes towards practicing the religion like during those days?

Then, he asked the 'here and now' question, making us reflect what are the changes and advancements our current youths enjoy today that we couldnt when we were in their age.

Comparison for me is peeeaanuts job.

I talked about how my younger sister is sooo lucky to be given the OPPORTUNITY to interact with students from different schools and religion. Exchange programmes between madrasahs and other secondary schools and junior colleges are welcomed by students from both institutions. During my time... it was unheard of.

I talked about how my sister is luckier to be given the OPPORTUNITY to learn more things because more suitable individuals come forward to contribute their expertise by teaching in madrasahs. During my time... i should be feeling lucky that madrasahs were even allowed to continue operating as public donations were enough to sustain its operational expenses in that particular year! We (esp in Alsagoff Arab School), were constantly threatened by the possibility of the school being closed down. At least, that was the message I received annually during Muharram (the time of the year when Alsagoff students are forced to practive their PR skills in 'fundraising').

The difference between the past and now is OPPORTUNITY.

It was more limited when i put on the school uniform some years ago.

But now.... Madrasah students are almost on par with the other students in the national stream. Standards are getting higher. Teachers are more dedicated. Students are more motivated. Opportunities are CONSCIOUSLY created to ensure holistic development; both academically, as well as socially.

How did this happen?

E.F.F.O.R.T

From the very people who believe OPPORTUNITY must be given to the girls and boys in the religious schools.

I record my thanks to them.

Their EFFORTS are admirable.

Ladies and gentlemen.... do not stop at admiration and grattitude.

Ask further what kind of future do you want YOUR children to experience?

The same as my sister? Worst? Better?

You know the answer. I do.

And our E.F.F.O.R.T has to start now.

The STAKE of our children's privileges and challenges depend on our E.F.F.O.R.T.

I dont want MY children to feel the hardship MY sister is experiencing.

I want my daughter to receive the best education there is... and at the same time adhering to covering aurah.

I want my children to feel certain of her identity... to feel comfortable enough to interact with others and not feel insecure about her religiousity.

I want my children to not feel the pain and difficulties in finding future spouses who are able to compliment them and guide them to the right path.

All these start from our EFFORT in moulding the very children we want our children to be...the very friends our children will socialise with... the very institutions in which our children will be educated in.... NOW.

Sound selfish? Its ALTRUISM baby.

Social Psychologists argue that being altruistic IS ABOUT being selfish.
It hurts so much for you to see the other person suffer that you HAVE to do something to alleviate his/her sufferings so that YOU dont feel hurt.

Who says being selfish is all wrong.

It is afterall human to think of oneself first.

So... think of your/my future. It hurts to see the possibility of YOUR/MY future generation experiencing the same harships as WE are in.

Do Something to alleviate that...NOW

Make our da'wah stakes personal.

Humaira
When motivation comes from the self known as SELF



Humaira, age 1.

Enjoying all the attention of being the only one in cast =D

Some pain is good though. It develops character they say.

I say... it creates the constructivist in me *wink* (check out the blue clothing for my cast)

Some will say it develops resilience.

What say you?

The symbol of affiliation =P

I'm lurrving it~

Humaira
Yeah Yeah... also known as Siti (bleargh!)

Its Really My Way

The journalism class has been fun so far, alhamdulillah.

News flash: Blogging is not journalistic, as it does not comform to the ethical guidelines practised by the conventional journalists.

Hmm... If its only about ethical guidelines, i would say, it is not ethical too to generalise all bloggers to be incapable of abiding to the rules.

I see this as journalistic.

My eyes see this as journalism.

Journalism teaches me to express.

And i'm expressing according to what i see as worth expressing it... for the benefit of 'ilm and fikrah building.

Hmmm...

Those internal disagreement with my lecturer aside, I shall tell you about a song i learnt during the latest class.

Why did we learn the song in the class?

To drive the message that our writings need to be SIMPLE.

Back to the song, I've heard it so many times before, but hearing it and reading the lyrics again just gave me new meaning. I never thought the song could describe the very feeling i'm bearing.

Ladies and gentlemen...
I present you....
My Way
By Frank Sinatra

And now, the end is near;
And so i face the final curtain.
My friend, I'll say it clear,
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain.

I've lived a life that's full.
I've traveled each and every highway;
And more, much more than this,
I did it my way.

Regrets, I've had a few;
But then again, too few to mention.
I did what i had to do
And saw it through without exepmtion.

I planned each charted course;
Each careful step along the byway,
But more, much more than this,
I did it my way.

Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew
When i bit off more than i could chew.
But through it all, when there was doubt,
I ate it up and spit it out.
I faced it all and I stood talll
And did it my way.

I've loved, I've laughed and cried.
I've had my fill; my share of losing.
And now, as tears subside,
I find it all so amusing.

To think I did all that;
And may i say - not in a shy way,
No, oh no not me,
I did it my way.

For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught.
To say the things he truly feels;
And not the words of one who kneels.
The record shows I took the blows -
And i did it my way!

Humaira
Write to express... Not to impress

I Call Upon the Time

The stomach cramp has been killing me (my mood to be specific, and my ability to complete my daily tasks). I took 1.5 days of time off for the week. That's A LOT according to me, as i have 18cm high of in-tray to conquer every day (refer picture, the green frog is supposed to control the intray. It struggles as you can see it fighting to stay balanced). The look of my workstation doesnt help relieving the pain, so, resting and sleeping at home is most apt... its about time to open up my course notes too...




Oh yeah~ My assignment....

I'm writing this as an advert to those who may have had their hands on the banned book "The Satanic Verses" written by Salman Rushdie (May Allah guide him to the right path). It is still banned in Singapore and i'm making a plea to anyone who may have read it (or actually have the book stacked in some secret mysterious place).

Share with me your experience reading it.

Lend me the book (even better).

Please email me at nurzakiah@gmail.com if u haf any info.


So, any laments for the week?

I just took 1.5 days worth of time-off! That's 1.5 days worth of work! 1.5 days worth of opening the casefiles and updating myself on clients' lives! But then, those 1.5 days outside the office allow me to update myself with my studies. Not so bad afterall huh?

I'm 24, and i seem to be hearing the clock ticking clearer than before (hey it ryhmes!)

Time... is no longer an excess luxury.
Time... is no longer a luxury even!

I find myself unable to say "I have time for that, i'll help you with that". Not like when i was 17!

I find myself thinking of the opportunity cost of spending certain actions for certain time, asking myself if its worth... well... my time.

I find myself.... choked with the lack of it, ambitious to satisfy many tasks within the very limited time!

I find myself.... appreciating so much, the very friends and comrades who spent time with me, despite the other million things they can achieve with that time :)

I find myself appreciating every minute in life, thanking Allah for this ni'mah of being able to spend time to achieve His redha (insyaAllah)

I find myself... relieved.

So let's call upon the Time...
to perfect eeman
to perform good deeds
to remind one another to the truth
to remind one another to patience

Humaira....
Show me the line between creativity and mere respect.

When time is soo much well spent

Adakah itu masa hadapan ku?

Tiba-tiba sahaja, ada keinginan untuk berwarkah dalam bahasa ibunda. Demam apa pun tak pasti. Demam bola sudah tentu tamat. Mungkin sisa sisa nya.

Perlawanan Piala Dunia telah tamat, akhirnya. Ditutupi dengan gol kemenangan bagi Itali, perlawanan berakhir dengan 1 - 1 (5 - 3 pada saat penalti) Oooo... aku tidak akan menulis mengenai apa yang telah berlaku pada perlawanan tersebut. Biarlah para wartawan menganalisa peristiwa tersebut. Bagiku.... bagiku.... kehidupan masih diteruskan.....

Kenapa?

Kerana banyak lagi perkara sedih yang meragut keinginanku melayan kesedihan atas kekalahan Perancis. Antaranya, kenaikan harga teksi adalah satu perkara yang amat membimbangkan. Pagi tadi, aku ber-bas.

Ah~

Tiba-tiba sahaja, aku rasa seperti aku harus menulis sesuatu. Tak tahu la pula mengenai apa. Mungkin kepenatanku mengambil alih kewarasanku.

Sekiranya aku bangun dari tidur, alangkah indah sekiranya waktu tidak bergerak?
Separuh daripada in-tray ku dapat dibereskan, dan ulangkaji pelajaran bagi hujung minggu ini telah pun tamat. Bilikku terkemas dengan sendirinya dan buku-buku, fail-fail dan nota-nota tidak perlu disimpan, hafal sahaja dalam hati dan ilmu-ilmu berharga dapat diabadikan dalam diri. Dan aku? aku berada di puncak Gunung Ledang, gunung yang ku tempuhi setengah jalan sahaja.

Itu dunia ideal ku.

Dunia ketika mataku separuh terbuka.......

Biarkan aku....

terus belayar ke dunia tersebut

Selamatkan aku sekiranya ku jauh dari pandangan mu.


Humaira
Ku perlukan kompass

The wunderschon German Affair

And so the wall of defense was broken... twice! By the Musollini's team.

Aaaa.... It was a good war nevertheless.

My stomach-ache begins to subside now...

Freud would diagnose me for experiencing psychosomatic symptom... the feeling of anxiety so overwhelming that my bodily function needs to react.

Freud would understand. If he's still alive, he would experience the same symptoms too...

I wonder... if Freud is still alive, his office will be swamped with football fans' post-(0-2 loss) trauma. And he may be listening and evaluating the various coping behaviours or efforts coming out from the die-hard fans.... (or the endless remorse from that luxurious bet on the German's victory) *hehe* Believe me... i had thousands of reasonings trying to positively re-frame the loss when i tried sleeping after the match. I couldnt sleep, hence the blogging.

My first truly World Cup experience...... it kinda ends 1 week early.

To honour Humaira's World Cup experience, let's recap the highlights of the month:

1. Excellent Germany vs dunno-what-country opening game! Classic! But defense still sux
2. The late night Germany-Argentina match at West Coast MacDonalds. Germany fans RAWK! (n rowdy)
3. Farhan's juvenile bet: "I will solat for ONE MONTH if Germany score that stupid penalty". Germany did. And Farhan re-tracks his bet (coward!)
4. The Late night pre-solat malam entertainment: READING England's loss via SMS and irritating England fans! Muahahahahaha!!
5.The Late night solat during first-half of Germany- Italy match, and the loss :( ---> Lehmann still the mann for those killer saves (ironic! He single handedly sent 2 players off for injury... incidentally)

Coming up...
Facing non-German fans the next day :(

I can sense my stomach-ache coming... ouch *bend down, Beckam style (without the vomit, of coz)*

Before i conclude this article, i'm obligated to do one more thing to honour my team; Russell-Peter-ing the opponent!!!!

One of the roads to recovery.... Enjoy




Humaira
Distracted by the ball (u see a pun, u're yellow!)

wunderschon -- the 'o' has double dots on it. I can't seem to be able to have that font function. Anyone can help me rectify this problem? I cant even write french without this function. Heellpp!!

The end of the anxiety

To those who are aware of my anxiety... i thank you for your empathy.

The cause of it ended quite well.

It was liberating to let go and humble self to reality.

It is indeed scary.... it is indeed biting...

I swallowed quite a lot today... fruits, pride and tears.

I haf to face it anyway... sooner or no later.

Indeed.. the cure for IT is to face it.

The cure for IT is to be truthful.

And.. the cure for IT is to be happy =D

Hah...

.... And now, its time to organise a big one for all the 3!

and for the final final time.... move on!

Humaira...
this entry is exclusive for hia.
When humility is tested....

de soi experimenter

"Adik... kakak tak suka dia kawan ngan pompuan tuh! Perempuan2 yang lain boleh, tapi yang ini, kakak tak rela! Salah ke kakak nih??"

A voice very familiar on the receiver for the past few weeks.

As i've predicted, marital complaints will rise, but not because of the World Cup.... instead it is its sworn enemy... E.M.A (Extra Marital Affair)... be it real, or imagined.

The usual tired me will lament to such callers... irritated as caller doesnt seem to be able to see things rationally. Emotional crown took over the qalb, and the rest becomes blurred.

It is also saddening to witness the women victimising themselves and suffering from their own prejudice or unwanted circumstances.

You pointed out that, that woman could be me.....
Oh God forbid.

But its a possibility, nevertheless, i agree (Oh God forbid)

We may react or response as such when things dun go according to our expectations...

Try...
Imagine the unexpected. Hard?
Imagine experiencing the unexpected. One becomes disillusioned.

We dun get married thinking our husbands will have E.M.A...
Yeah, we may talk about it, get scared, and shoo it away hoping it will never happen...

You see, you're already setting un-realistic expectations on your marriage.
Hence, such reactions.

No, i'm not saying that one should get into the sacred vows of marriage having the thought that your partner will be interested in someone else (Oh please.. dun)

I'm saying that, one should get into the vow, being aware of self as human full of imperfections, and that you can never be perfect.

I'm saying that, one should get into the vow, realising that marriage is a mean, not an achievement to a wonderful relationship.

I always write the same sentence on my wedding card to my dearest friends;

Being married is a beginning of a strife (Jihad)
Fight FOR your love.

From my humble observation.

Fight what?
People change... circumstances change... ideals change... nothing is constant except change...
Yes... we're striving towards strengthening ANY relationships despite the fact that everything changes.

After that?
Tawakkal.

Sounds easy?
Try doing it!

Let's Walk the Talk!

Hmmm... lemme experiment it on my relationship with parents.
Constant strife is to return from work early so i can spend time (fighting) to get to know their old selves better...

To operationalise this experiment:

First task: Returning home from work EARLY

Second task: Talk to my parents at home (instead of sleeping or watching TV)

Third task: conscious effort to get into their Good Books

I dunno if i can succeed the first Jihad.
I have some worry about my ability to fulfill the second one.
I dunno if i haf the patience and guts to even reach the third task.

So u get what i meant by Jihad?

Its unfair for us to expect so much of others, when we dun set expectations of us vis-a-vis the others

Humaira...
de soir experimenter
My experiment shall start next Monday

C'est musique d'espoir

Look to your path

Vois sur ton chemin
Gamins oublies egares
Donne leur la main
Pour les mener
Vers d'autres lendemains

Sens au coeur de la nuit
L'onde d'espoir
Ardeur de la vie
Sentier de gloire

Bonheurs enfantins
Trop vite oublies effaces
Une lumiere doree brille sans fin

Tout au bout du chemin

See on your way
forgotten kids who've strayed
give them a helping hand
lead them to new horizons,
help them understand

Feel, in the depth of despair
a surging waves of hope
the fervour of life
The glorious path

Childish delights
Too soon forgotten and erased
A golden light that burns forever
at the end of the path

Humaira...

"face of an angel, but spawn of the devil"

The Queen, the Teens and the Childhood Days

We celebrated the Queen's birthday.

Do u know that the Queen (Elizabeth II) has 2 birthdays?

The actual day of which she was born was on the 21st April. Her OFFICIAL birthdate is on the 17th June, as the chance of warm weather is better 2 months later. When you're the Queen, you have the power to change your birthdate... Kewl... She turns 80 this year, btw.


I shall post the wonderful pictures we took when we attended the Queen's birthday celebration... the Willy Wonka style. Chocolates EVERYWHERE... Lollies and Gummies... Free flow of ice-cream (ALL HALAL!!!) I was at the Wonka's residence (actually, it was his chocolateness, the high British commissioner's residence along Nassim Road) Serenaded by the cute and impish oompa loompas... the children played games..get fat... get more prizes. They didnt get to do this often anyway... and yeah, they NEED to get fat as most of them are SKINNY. Having to be able to enjoy the fair without worrying about money liberate them.

"Kak, how does the princess look like? Is she pretty?"

"She's the Queen, dear. And she's 80"

"So kak, are we gonna meet the 'nenek'?"

"Errmm.. No... the Queen is celebrating with her family in Buckingham Palace, in London"

"(sad face) We're not meeting her?? But it's her party!"

"I'm sure someone's recording the ceremony such that the Queen can view it later"

The kids havent seen the Queen before. Its a good thing that they get the Queen's brief biography (of course published by Penguin) for them to read more about her Majesty. A very good way to learn more about England, i must say. The kind High Commissioner also packed the goodie bag with LOTS of more chocolates, and a Charlie and the Chocolate factory book! The sweets and chocolates rest themselves in the children's system on our journey home, that they werent able to sleep in the bus. They were as hyper and as excited as the journey to the party, with MORE burning questions about the Queen.

The FSC was presented with a giant Cadbury Milk Chocolate weighs 10kg (Thank you Rizal for your MANpower) and a big piece of the Queen's birthday cake (Yes, all are confirmed Halal by NCSS, and i checked, the Cadbury choc was factoried in Aust *wink*) We are still finishing the cake and the chocolate :D Such good timing as the stress period is kinda HIGH these days....

R.A.P (RemajA Positif), a youth programme coordinated by myself, is at its hype at the moment. Preparations for the next day workshop eats up my whole night, causing my werking hour to begin from 9.30am (taxi late) to 11pm (often times 11.30pm). But looking at the young faces in the early morning... eager to learn (or because parents force them to attend), causes unexplainable renewed strength to move on (alhamdulillah). The sessions have been interesting thus far. Unique characters, as usual. And more attitudes! Ah.... Enjoyable! I pray, they learn at least ONE message from the programme, and apply it on their everday life, insyaAllah.

As werking late nights have been frequent, i have attracted some 'bodyguards' who volunteer to accompany me at 'dark' and quiet times. I had my largest body-guarding team just now, and the most interesting conversation which somehow inspires me.

My dearest adik2s who have gone through undescribeable experience when u were younger,
when you read this, please understand that your story has stripped me with awe, pride and amazement of your life, your struggle and your achievement. I acknowledge that life is not perfect at the moment, but it has been much better than before than drowning. Have faith, reconsider your revenge, move on forward. For in your eyes, lies the most determined, and hopeful spirit. I'm proud of you.


My dearest adik2s,
you know who you are...
Thank you for sharing your story.

Kak Humaira....
When i learn soo much from the Youths

Much ado about Stress

My workstation symbolizes my life at the moment.

Hence, not much interesting things to note.

Milkullah... i apologise for the delayed 'report' on the child development theories thingy. I'm letting you know i havent forgotten bout it =D

BIRKH has started. Still has yet to receive our results (i can already feel the butterflies in my stomach).

I'll write again once the madness has cooled down...
...about books
...about friends
...about work
...about learning
...about fantasy
...about hope

humaira...
Pride and Prejudice
Hope and Honour

Fever? Non... c'est soccer!

4 - 2.


Germany against Costa Rica.


Wasnt plan to watch it. Just happened my brother was shouting excitedly. And the Germans are playing. It is during this season that my old flames such as Kahn and Ballack come alive. Unfortunately, they didnt get to play in this first match; the opening of the madness. No biggie (i get to see them cheering excitedly from the bench though. And i can see Kahn itching while witnessing the 2 goals passing through the Germans' lack of defense, knowing HE can save them!). I was introduced to Lehman (Leman), Schnider and that bloke who scored a breath-taking 'outside the penalty box' goal. It was an excellent, eye-catching match, i could barely focus on the interesting article in TIME. Definitely a match to remember.

Germany.... Germany....

Hah!

A self-confessed bimbo of the soccer world, i'm attracted to soccer because of the many many eye candies. The Germans with the hunky names. Oh~ Ballack looking deliciously similar as Matt Damon-slash-Mark Wahlberg. Oh~ the world cup is gonna cause more harm to the girls... leaving us diabetics *swoon*


So, my dearest self, get ready for the coming month of sleeplessness, marital issues, endless soccer discussions with the youths and of course, the rise of the gambling addiction. Financial complaints may be on the rise too, assuming that sleeplessness causes malaise in finding employment, causing stress in the family structure, hence 'forcing' help-seeking behaviour. Be prepared to say 'hello' to 17cm of piles on the in-tray *sigh*

Oh.. and yeah, dun forget the attempts to explain to me what 'off-side' is.
"The opposing team's last man cant be infront of the other team's last man in the close attempt to score goal???"
How do u know who's the last man???? What line?

Arh.....

c'est soccer.

Humaira...
the week when hia couldnt focus on work, and it keeps piling up.
the week of recuperating from Kids' camp.
the week when men are just so wicked.
the week... hia was publicly called the e***** pious chick.
interesting..... hia was a small chicken.
the weekend... when hia was terrorised by "when's your turn?" question.

The sonnet of Soul

Extracted from Pride and Prejudice (2005)

Elizabeth Bennet: ... I wonder who first discovered the power of poetry in driving away love?

Mr Darcy: I thought that poetry was the food of love.

Elizabeth Bennet: Of a fine stout love, it may. But if it is only a vague inclination I'm convinced one poor sonnet will kill it stone dead

Mr Darcy: So what do you recommend to encourage affection?

Elizabeth Bennet: Dancing. Even if one's partner is barely tolerable.

(and she turns her back against Mr Darcy, and walks away.... smiling *strikeeee ONE!)

I would have to agree with Mr Darcy there. Poetry is indeed the most apt medium of romantic expression. Deep feelings and emotions can only be illustrated with Beautiful words.

Enjoy the sonnet (to my non-Malay readers, i'm sorry i cant translate it for you. I may do more harm and injustice to it =p)

Gurindam Jiwa
(sung by R.Ismail & Rafeah Buang)
(Lyrics written by Wandly Yazid)

Tuai padi antara masak

esok jangan layu-layuan
Intai kami antara nampak
esok jangan rindu-rinduan

Anak cina pasang lukah
lukah dipasang di Tanjung Jati
Di dalam hati tidak kulupa
sebagai rambut bersimpul mati

Batang selasih permainan budak
daun selasih dimakan kuda
Bercerai kasih talak tiada
seribu tahun kembali juga

Burung merpati terbang seribu
hinggap seekor di tengah laman
Hendak mati dihujung kuku
hendak berkubur di tapak tangan

Kalau tuan mudik ke hulu
carikan saya bunga kemboja
Kalau tuan mati dahulu
nantikan saya dipintu syurga

I'm not so sure if this is considered a sonnet (dunno wad that means! Ja.. ur expert opinion please) But, listening to this song being sung Live, it brings new meaning to love songs, really. You cant find the lyrics blatantly saying 'I love you's'. Instead, such emotion is described by innocent actions of taking a peek to see what that special someone is doing, the promise to stay together till eternity, and even if eternity doest exist on earth, the love and longingness will continue in the after-world life. Such subtle words describing passionate intimacy, deep feelings and hopeful future... (obviously smitten)

Humaira
and that affair with the 7 composers.
Priceless!

My version of a fairy tale

The 24th year of my existance was celebrated by memorising the worldviews created by men (yerp, this include Darwin's theory of evolution and the -isms of the world)

6th of May, my limelight was shared with the General Election. The day ended with my fellow Saff activists, promising more deadlines and efforts to be done to achieve mardhatillah. We had pizza and heart-felt speeches after that (Thanks all)

I haven't sit down and personally thought about the growing number of years i stand on this earth, the amount of oxygen i've breathed in and how much i've contributed to pay for these ni'mat (blessings) i've endowed. There are still so many things i've yet to be. Many things i've yet to do. Many things i've done wrong and more things i've learnt.. walking in this often times less taken route.

I could have been an Usuluddin graduate from IIUM, making my way to work in the Islamic Religious Council of Singapore, and looking into the madrasah system and its implications and development. Perhaps, i could have been engaged to a pilot-to-be whom my mom adores, and lead a life as i've known. Instead, i took up a single major in Social Work, learning any other modules which are difficult to score (I wasnt really thinking of achieving good results anyway), met a guy who introduced me to experience Grief, get myself busy with da'wah effort and basically dedicate myself to constantly challenge my comfort zone and be worried with the never-ending deadlines and project executions.

Unconsciously or not, i've chosen this path. It has been thorny, sometimes lonely, increasingly challenging.... i cried about it, am proud of it, and i simply hope and pray really hard that it does not increase its difficulties BEYOND my capacity.

I could have chosen to go to France and live a fairy tale life, or even New Zealand, working with the fellow changemakers. i could. i could. I could have not chosen to further my studies by taking ANOTHER degree and instead continuing my masters. But i did.

It boils down to (a) bad decision making, or (b) being assertive and knowing what i want in life.

I still want my own version of a fairy tale life...
A princess in the pursuit to get to the castle, walking alone in the dark and lonely forest, joined by a lovely companion and a group of merry friends, all together going towards the same destination. Fighting against the big bad wolves, dangerous fiery dragons and evil witches, working together to hunt for basic food to survive..ensuring each other's motivation and making sure one another is in good shape. The journey would be the most sweet and enjoyable one.

No.. my fairy tale wont end with a 'happily ever after'.
If the journey has to end, it will end with a hope of mercy and goodness.
As the result of the journey is unknown to any.

24 years... and i hold on to this:

I would rather stumble a thousand times, attempting to reach a goal, than to sit in a crowd, in my weather-proof shroud, a shrivelled and self-satisfied soul...

I would rather be doing and daring, all of my error-filled days, than watching and waiting, and dying smug in my perfect ways...

So guide me in my stumbling, doing and daring, and show me the light during my error-filled days.

Humaira...
an entry with 24 years worth of emotions..
24 years of decision making....
24 years of consequences....
and years ahead of hope...

Ultimate Berfday Surprise

www.suicidalness.blogspot.com

Check that out.

To my dearest dearest colleagues, i've been saying thanks, and i wont stop. Thank youzzzzz!!!!!!

Humaira
Tarched

The beginning of Child development starts from your decision in choosing Who's your life partner

We had a case conference discussing on the amalgamation of theories in child development (operationally defined as 0 - 7 years of age). Yes, today, the ghosts of Sigmund Freud, Piaget, Bowlby and Kohlberg came alive, right in Minda (the name of our meeting room). To spice things up, the discussion was centred around the Islamic teachings of child development as espoused in the revelation.

"The beginning of Child Development starts from your decision in choosing WHO's your life partner" , brother (we call our boss 'brother') begun his part of the research.

THAT woke me up! (u see, it was 2pm, and i skipped lunch preparing Kohlberg theory and rushing Saff deadlines)

Wow! Brother! What happened to our operationally defined age (0 - 7 years)???

Often times we focus on the development of our child's physical ("uu.. she's wearing 'L' size pampers now"), social ("she smiles whenever she sees me"), emotional ("she doesnt like it if i take away her blankie") and cognitive ("she can now say 'mama'!") development. Little do we pay attention to the little tinkle bell's tauhidic development.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen....
ALL aspects of development begin at the moment when we choose our life partner.

The little tyke is welcomed with the sweet (i rather husky) voice of his/her father's adzan and iqamah.

That is the beginning of his/her Tauhidic education.

The child is born in FITRAH.

No... not tabula rasa (Latin word coined by John Locke, which is the notion that individual human beings are born "blank", and that their identity is defined entirely by their experiences and sensory perceptions of the outside world)

A child is born not as a blank sheet of cloth, or paper, but with the potential of being GOOD. And GOOD is definitely not a blank.

The interesting discovery didnt end there. Critical analysis of theories and its practicality has always interest my grey cells.

Dun just throw away Freud, Bowlby, Kohlberg, Erikson, Piaget and the likes.
They created this knowledge with empirical evidence, with rigorous experimentations and testings.
Islam has always acknowledge knowledge created from our intelligence.

But as Muslims, be mindful of our limitations. The limitation of our intelligence.

Revelation has always been the source of all knowledge. Return to it.
And strengthen the Freud, Bowlby, Kohlberg and etc, with the Islamic perspective, with the entrance of eeman.

Brother,
i wish to argue your initial statement.
Indeed, the beginning of Child development starts from my decision being the very person i aspire to be

Ladies..
Your motherly tasks begin NOW...with yourself.

Humaira...
NOW.

... and the funny thing is, i didnt wanna wake up from that dream...

It took her a while to reach out that phone. The sun was shining bright... rays zooming in through her small windows, brightening her little room.

It was a fine morning, she whispered.

Should i spoil it?

Emily reached out for that cellphone nevertheless. Scrolled down to find his number and dialed.

Ringing tone....
Ringing tone...

"Yeah?", the husky voice on the other line

"Hey! Morning! How are you? I just called to say that i met you in my dreams, not in the R(A) or M-18 kinda dream, but, i just saw you in my dream and you know what? The funny thing is that i didnt wanna wake up from that dream. I miss you so much that meeting you and seeing you in my dream makes my night. Not that i'm a psycho, or anything, or not that i tried, its been a year that we've broken up. I do, i did try but in every dates i've been to i kept bumping into your friends, and that reminded me of the fun things we did while we were together and that make me miss you so much, but i know this is not a good time, especially with exams coming up, i'm sorry, its been quite selfish of me, i probably should say good bye now", breathless Emily stopped.

"Hey.... errrr.."

"Its ok. You dont have to say anything. This is probably my fault. I apologise. Please get back to your books" Emily jumped in.

And she hung up.