de soi experimenter

"Adik... kakak tak suka dia kawan ngan pompuan tuh! Perempuan2 yang lain boleh, tapi yang ini, kakak tak rela! Salah ke kakak nih??"

A voice very familiar on the receiver for the past few weeks.

As i've predicted, marital complaints will rise, but not because of the World Cup.... instead it is its sworn enemy... E.M.A (Extra Marital Affair)... be it real, or imagined.

The usual tired me will lament to such callers... irritated as caller doesnt seem to be able to see things rationally. Emotional crown took over the qalb, and the rest becomes blurred.

It is also saddening to witness the women victimising themselves and suffering from their own prejudice or unwanted circumstances.

You pointed out that, that woman could be me.....
Oh God forbid.

But its a possibility, nevertheless, i agree (Oh God forbid)

We may react or response as such when things dun go according to our expectations...

Try...
Imagine the unexpected. Hard?
Imagine experiencing the unexpected. One becomes disillusioned.

We dun get married thinking our husbands will have E.M.A...
Yeah, we may talk about it, get scared, and shoo it away hoping it will never happen...

You see, you're already setting un-realistic expectations on your marriage.
Hence, such reactions.

No, i'm not saying that one should get into the sacred vows of marriage having the thought that your partner will be interested in someone else (Oh please.. dun)

I'm saying that, one should get into the vow, being aware of self as human full of imperfections, and that you can never be perfect.

I'm saying that, one should get into the vow, realising that marriage is a mean, not an achievement to a wonderful relationship.

I always write the same sentence on my wedding card to my dearest friends;

Being married is a beginning of a strife (Jihad)
Fight FOR your love.

From my humble observation.

Fight what?
People change... circumstances change... ideals change... nothing is constant except change...
Yes... we're striving towards strengthening ANY relationships despite the fact that everything changes.

After that?
Tawakkal.

Sounds easy?
Try doing it!

Let's Walk the Talk!

Hmmm... lemme experiment it on my relationship with parents.
Constant strife is to return from work early so i can spend time (fighting) to get to know their old selves better...

To operationalise this experiment:

First task: Returning home from work EARLY

Second task: Talk to my parents at home (instead of sleeping or watching TV)

Third task: conscious effort to get into their Good Books

I dunno if i can succeed the first Jihad.
I have some worry about my ability to fulfill the second one.
I dunno if i haf the patience and guts to even reach the third task.

So u get what i meant by Jihad?

Its unfair for us to expect so much of others, when we dun set expectations of us vis-a-vis the others

Humaira...
de soir experimenter
My experiment shall start next Monday