Friday, September 29, 2006

The 7th-night Date: When u seed love in me

Weather description: Windy.
Lailatul Qadr Indicator: 80% No.
Love letter read: 2nd chapter.

I was supposed to spent my date at AlFalah tonite. Instead, i worked my heart (i cant say b*#@, must respect Ramadhan) out at Saff centre, preparing for Ramadhan Rocks '06 media kit, together with the rest. However, the date was no less significant. In fact, it was one of the memorable dates i never wish to forget.

The date led by fellow comrades brought humility towards your Greatness, my dear. You spread your love so unselfishly, You make it easier for us to love each other for Your name, Your message, Your pleasure. Please continue to unite our hearts, so as to be strong, and together stand in line to be in remembrance of Your greatness. Ameen.

The date was filled with Hope. To help us with our effort. My Dearest, we have done only so much to attain your Pleasure. The outcome is entirely Yours to decide. My dearest the Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

And so we bow in prostration, submitting our whole self to You.... the creator of all.
Help us in our little effort.
Assist us in our weakness.
Unite us in our hearts.

Humaira
Back to the Media Kit

Sunday, September 24, 2006

First date: A shiverish experience

When the imam said: Bismillaahirrahmaanirraheem

nawaitu souma ghadin 'an adaa i fardhi syahri ramadhaana haa dzihis sanati lillaahi ta'aala

I felt a shiver going through my spine. It's here. I meet IT again. Alhamdulillah...

I'm proud the way my fellow Muslim Singaporeans are gearing to meet this month.

A concert-cum-forum, an effort by fellow youthful brothers with latent energy to see positive changes in the community viz creative approach. I welcome and applaud such effort =D

Ladies and gentlemen, the quest has begun. To make full use of this opportunity to be closer to the Utmost Loved.

Here's my dating plan (important reminder to self)

1st night, Sat, 23/9: A date at Kassim Mosque --> CHECKED! Shiverish experience!

2nd night, Sun, 24/9: A date at home (to submit research report)

3rd night, Mon, 25/9: A date at home (to bring my text books to the date)

4th night, Tue, 26/9: A date at Assyakirin

7th night, Fri, 29/9: A date at al-Falah

8th night, Sat, 30/9: A date in the OUTDOOR!!!! with other loved ones ~

9th night, Sun, 1/10: A date at home (resting)

10th night, Mon, 2/10: A date at Darussalaam -- after training @ FRTC

11th night, Tue, 3/10: A date at Darussalaam -- after training @ FRTC

12th night, Wed, 4/10: A date at home. Preparing self for another journey

13th night, Thur,5/10: A date at Thai.

14th night, Fri, 6/10: A date at a Mosque at Bangkok (Hmm.. hoping to find one)

15th night, Sat, 7/10: A date at a hotel.

16th night, Sun, 8/10: A date at home. Recuperating...

17th night, Mon, 9/10: A date at al-Falah

18th night, Tue, 10/10:A date at Maulana

19th night, Wed, 11/10:A date at Home

20th night,Thur,12/10:A date at UIA?

21st night, Fri, 13/10: A date at UIA?

22nd night, Sat, 14/10: A date at UIA?

23rd night, Sun, 15/10: A date at UIA?

24th night, Mon, 16/10: A date at UIA?

25th night, Tue, 17/10: A date at home

26th night, Wed, 18/10: A date at Assyakirin

27th night, Thur, 19/10: A date at Assyakirin

28th night, Fri, 20/10: A date at Assyakirin

29th night, Sat, 21/10: A date at Assyakirin

30th night, Sun, 22/10: A date at Assyakirin

Ameen...

Humaira
Gearing up!

Friday, September 22, 2006

Fly Me to the Moon... No... Kingdom... No... ANYWHERE

Thai has to start a coup now. And i haf to attend a training scheduled during my proposed day(s) off!

I think the whole world is against me taking a break!!!

Arrgghhh~

Nevertheless, Thailand, I'm still flying off to you.

World, get ready for humaira!

Humaira
Publishing a book... alhamdulillah

Thursday, September 07, 2006

His Other Sister?

The interesting tag-board conversation brought me to reminiscing my past... all the way to the innocent world of Alsagoff.

Due to re-construction, my school was transfered from the (current MINDS) building at Kembangan to the newly upgraded one at Jalan Sultan back
in 1992. I was primary 4 then. And at the same time, we were progressed to the A.M session. The schooling system in madrasah is a bit different from those of normal government schools. We can't afford the space to allow alternate session to different levels. Ours work such that all of the lower primary students will attend the P.M session, and the upper primary up to the higher level will have to wake up early in the morning to attend classes. Hence, when you're 10 years old, waking up in the morning to go to school together with the seniors was such honour. I LOOK FORWARD to go to school!

A year later, everyone began to feel settled with the new building. Great infrastructure then. Cool auditorium with AIR-CON!! We, back in 1994, were greatly impressed. We stand tall during the assembly, not to sing the school anthem (we dont have any), but to read the daily prayers, feeling proud, and immensely blessed. That was me, 11 years old.

Being in all-girls school also mean that our socializatio
n circle is limited to the single gender; the females. We admire one another, we love one another, we have crushes, we feel jealous with one another, there was definitely competitions, arguments, cat fights on who get to be that kakak's adik angkat first.... its normal. I dont think its anyway near lesbianism. We need to scrape through the surface and see the underlying needs beneath these actions. These are normal behaviour because it functions to satisfy developmental challenges. The type of challenge which exist in any growing teenagers; the yearn to be loved, known and acknowledged. In this context, rather than being acknowledged by boys, we yearn for acknowledgement from the female seniors whom we respect and admire. Hence, i conclude that this socialisation is unique, and at the same time, as healthy as those experienced in co-ed schools.

So, i experienced having crushes on the kakak-kakaks. Acknowledgement happened to be coincidentally blessed upon me that i dont have to yearn for it much. It happened when some sisters discovered that i kinda look like Art Fazil, hence thought that Art Fazil actually has a kid sister in the school. This kind of jeweled information couldnt be kept secret in a school 1.5-soccer-field wide and 3 levels high. Hypothesis ran wild, and if i had known how to pronounce 'media conference', i would do one for myself and announce that i have no wat-so-ever relation with a man name Art Fazil. I always wondered to myself what kind of name is that anyway? I didnt know how he looks like, really.... Those aside, i admit i enjoy the limelight (so kak 'mummy', there is no need to apologise, really. I should thank you instead for making my growing up years a bit easier. teehee). I remember blushing and constantly running and seeking refuge in the toilet whenever i was teased. Haha. (Hmm... i ran to the boys toilet. My favourite hang-up place in-between lessons)

Who was Art Fazil anyway? My only information of him was from my aunt, who was the producer of HMI (Hiburan Minggu Ini), an entertainment programme for the Malay audience. She mentioned about the station's new rule in banning artistes with long hair, and Art Fazil is one of them. I was quite impressed actually by his assertiveness in standing by his long mane. We're talking about free publicity to boost artiste's name by singing in the show. But he still declined. That spells a lot of character in him.

Oh... i always wonder how its like to have an elder brother anyway. Someone to protect me. To teach and guide me. To tell me things i can never find in books and google. To introduce me wisdom. To nurture me with experience. And to co
nstantly remind me how life is beautiful when one puts the right mind into it. How amazing this will be.... and how wonderful if i can be such a person to another human being =D

Art Fazil continues t
o have impacts in my life. From allowing me to be acknowledged in tweenage years in school, to making me feel special in my love-struck TEENage life. His album was a constant reference source to the boys in my life to dedicate their 'love' to me with. I was swooned.. yeah... i admit. Merindu Kepastian was popular. And the song 'Nur', a very apt song title which also describe my intimate name only called by the closest human beings on earth; my family, aunts and uncles and cousins. 'Nur' never fails to lift me up and empowers me to exude such light and hope on others. 'Merindu Kepastian' allows ME to constantly have hope that, well, the song will be sung to me again.... some day... :)

I'm sure, this t
alented singer willl continue leaving his influence in my life, in some way or another.

And i am pleased to allow it.

Apa yang menceriakan bumi
Setiap hari setiap waktu pagi
Membuat wajah berseri

Bagaimana tumbuh-tumbuhan
Terus segar didalam kehijauan
Di dalam hutan dan taman

Nur... cahaya sakti

Di tengah kegelapan malam
Ketika bintang di langit berkerdip-kerdipan
Indah seri sang rembulan

Ketika insan kealpaan
Ketika kejahilan menutup kesedaran
Siapa petunjuk jalan

Nur... cahaya sakti

Nur adalah kuasa semulajadi
Nur adalah asal asli rohani
Nur tercipta dari azali
Nur... nur... nur...

--------------------------
Matters that cheer the world
Everyday every morning
enliven each faces.

How do plants
always fresh in the greeneries
in the forests and gardens

Nur... the magical light

In the middle of the dark night
when the stars in the sky shine
Beautiful is the moon

When human beings forget
when ignorance closes awareness
who guide the path?

Nur... the magical light

Nur is the natural power
Nur is the authentic spiritual root
Nur is created by The Creator
Nur... Nur... Nur....

Nur... the magical light















I look way much different now. They said its the eyes. Go figure lar.


Humaira
planning to get time off later.
Headache unbearable.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Humaira vs Eeman

"What goes around, comes around. What comes up, must come down" - Alicia Keys

I believe in retribution.

Good efforts will be blessed.

Sinful ones will be punished.

Similar to Karma (Quoting Earl: 'You do good things and good things will happen to you') And i'm sure the opposite will have similar effects too.

I'm in a situation when almost everything seems wrong (No, i'm not PMS-ing). My work piling up, i'm questioning my professional limitations and my personal idealism, my unfulfilled promises, heaps of articles, anger on self resulted from a certain new information, unsatisfactory mid-term grades... and bla bla bla (depressed already).

I know matters such as heaps of workload can be structural consequence of earlier actions, such as overlooking my schedule plans.

Some... i believe... is a form of retribution. Especially when it comes to emotional torture.

And so i allow myself to experience the hurt, the grieve, the sadness, the anger, and all other negative emotions ever known to humankind.

I ALLOW. As i define these feelings as retribution.

My problem is... When will this retribution end? Forever?

How do i know this is a form of retribution in the first place?

Can i dictate my own punishment?

Isnt it Allah's will and mercy?

What's happening to my eeman?

Shouldnt i say i believe in Allah's qadha and qadar? Retribution, good or bad, depends on His mercy and just?

Allah... should i stop allowing myself to feel punished and start hoping for better outlook?

Is my taubat enough for you to accept?

Compatible enough to atone for my mistakes?

Allah...
Show me. Guide me. Protect me. Strengthen me.
Show him. Guide him. Protect him. Strengthen him.
Show them. Guide them. Protect them. Strengthen them.
Show us. Guide us. Protect us. Strengthen us.

...... as we begin with Your name, the most Gracious, most MERCIFUL.......

Humaira
Awaiting Ramadhan.... for the battle of Badr... the fight to preserve self sovereignty.

Saturday, September 02, 2006

Life's Uniform

"The skirt you're wearing looks like a wedding gown. Are we gonna get invitation card anytime soon?", my coursemate said.

How interesting. My attire determines my readiness for marriage? Asked my heart.

"Oh~ Err.. i woke up feeling i wanna wear something happy and pretty to perk the day. Marriage? Pray for me ya kak? InsyaAllah the time will come with someone Allah redha", my mouth said and followed with a smile.

The $5 Oh La La skirt i bought at Jennyfer's closing down sale is a beautiful investment. It does have a wedding kind of feeling with that flowy A-cut and the material which shouts class and glamour. It will be perfect for wedding ceremonies (in fact, i should wear it for Faeza's wedding tomorrow)

But hey...

Living in a post-modern world, its an era of de-constructing almost ANYTHING which is relative.

Wearing a 'proper' attire for proper occasion is a social construct, or should i say, constructed by the colonials. One wears fanciful hat for horse racing party, one wears one's best in the presence of the royalties, one wears black for funerals and well.. so many other rules pertaining occasional uniforms.

And what do we do? We ADOPT this construct. We start these rules; One 'supposed' to wear white for funeral, 'supposed' to wear gold and the nicest clothes for wedding occasions, rent the expensive boutique clothes for your own wedding and etc etc. I'm guilty... sometimes. And i'm tired abiding the rules.

I wear what i wanna wear.

According to what i think deem practical... and of course according to Allah's permission.

Islam does not dictate what kind of clothes to wear... as long as it is clean and covers aurah.

"Ayesha (R) reported that Asmaa the daughter of Abu Bakr (R) came to the Messenger of Allah (S) while wearing thin clothing. He approached her and said: 'O Asmaa! When a girl reaches the menstrual age, it is not proper that anything should remain exposed except this and this. He pointed to the face and hands." (Abu Dawood)

So its ok if i wear nice skirts on an un-eventful day eh?

Please let me.

It makes the un-eventful pretty and glamourous.

Just like the skirt.

Now, what should i wear for Faeza's walimah?

Hmmmmm..... a $19 Yen skirt with a kebaya.

All hail Sale!!!

Humaira
I failed my Research Proposal Paper 4/10
I nearly failed my Research Methods mid-term 11/20
Not feeling on top of the world.
Am under the weather.
And yeah... i hope the clouds will move =)

"لإن شكرتم لأزيدنكم, لإن كفرتم إن عذابي لشديد"