She's happy.. and she's sad.

Loneliness is something uneasily cured.

".. for without doubt in the remembrance of Allah the heart finds mutmainnah".

Sakeenah is not enough for her.

Mutmainnah is what she's after.

Piles of work awaiting to be done.

She's suffocated... "I need mutmainnah now!"

************************************************

She recalls what happened yesterday....

"Kak, i can only give a neutral view. No i can't. I'm siding you. Because i don't know him. And i know you're a good person"

"Sometimes i wonder why these things happen to good people"

"Perhaps this information can make you feel better. My friend scolded him for being selfish in the court. He ****************. Is he always like that?"

"Lots of people had experience working with him. I've heard of not-so-good comments about him. It must be special for you as u can see his good points that made you attracted to him"

Special... and pure blindness my dear...
Special... and pure love perhaps...
Special... and it was before...

"Kak... i think its too much to ask from you. After you've given too much, and suddenly u're asked to stop giving. It must be difficult"

It wasnt difficult to give in to his requests.
But, being his friend has to be the most difficult request he's ever asked.

"Nowadays.. whenever i meet him, i always turn my face away. He'll do the same. Which is
good" *with non-verbal cues of hatred* --- a buddy said

Humaira smiles when she listen to these words. Neither reaction nor words came out.
She's neither happy nor sad. She's just lonely.

Is she moving on? Let her mourn.. let her feel the grief... let her be
Let her complete the whole cycle... the whole rollercoaster of hatred and disappointments and love... for only the completion will make her better.. or worse

What she's asking is patience. Stroke her when she's crying. Encourage her when she's smiling.

Humaira's blessed.

"If we ever gonna be apart... i'll never fall in love again....ever"
Jikalau kerbau dipegang pada talinya, manusia dipegang pada janjinya
Prove it my dear

Humaira... distracted